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Question
Posted by: totally confused | 2012/03/01

confused and more confused

doc,

about 2 weeks ago i did post a question. and you asked what will the consequences be for me and my hubby and the other man.

it''s like this. his boss is divorced. very good friends with his ex.

we have been emailing each other but for work stuff for hubby. and on occasions when i see him i cannot forget the soft way that he looks and smiles at me. and sometimes wants to touch my arm when he says goodbye.

i think im nuts and have these butterflies when i think of him.

i try not to ask to many questions to hubby because i don''t want him to start thinking.

if he must come to me now and say run away with me i wont think twice!

i''m confused i''ve never been like this and don''t even feel guilty for what is going on in me. i hate making love to my husband and the only time he gets it is if i think of someone else.

my child is also crazy about him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder whether perhaps your feelings for this guy may be more related to enjoying "the soft way he looks and smiles at me", something which for some reason you are not receiving from your husband ? There are many reasons apart from any lack of love, for which one or both spouses stop signalling and expressing love and tenderness for each other, and this makes one much more vulnerable in responding when someone else is kind, wven if they themselves don't have any romantic intentions in mind. Does he really look at, and touch, and speak to NOBODY else in this manner ?
What about some personal counselling to help you sort out some of all this confusion of yours ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012/03/02

It really sounds like you''re looking for permission to start an affair and you''re not confused at all. Starting an affair is BAD. Not feeling guilt about it is definitely psychopathic!

If you truly don''t want to be with your husband anymore, then get a divorce. You''re not being fair to him AT ALL by staying when you really don''t want to. Then once you''re completely free of this obviously unwanted untanglement THEN you can think of starting a relationship with someone else. But until those divorce papers are signed, keep your nose clean and do the right thing!

Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/01

I wonder whether perhaps your feelings for this guy may be more related to enjoying "the soft way he looks and smiles at me", something which for some reason you are not receiving from your husband ? There are many reasons apart from any lack of love, for which one or both spouses stop signalling and expressing love and tenderness for each other, and this makes one much more vulnerable in responding when someone else is kind, wven if they themselves don't have any romantic intentions in mind. Does he really look at, and touch, and speak to NOBODY else in this manner ?
What about some personal counselling to help you sort out some of all this confusion of yours ?

Reply to cybershrink

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