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Question
Posted by: Mo | 2011/04/15

Confused and Inlove

I have been single for the past 3 years and I met this guy three months ago and it seems as though things are going okay and fast between us.
When I met him he told me about this girl that they just broke up and the girl is in denial. He works around the area where I stay and since we met he spend most of the time in my place since its closer to work and every Friday we go to his place and come back together Monday morning. Apparently the girl went to his place couple of times during the week and unfortunately he couldn’  t find him. Last Wednesday there were some documents that he wanted so he told me to come with him to his place so we went there planning to sleep over. As he parked his car a neighbor came to him and told him that the girl is in her house waiting for him to come back then he was very bored then I told him to go and speak to the girl of which he didn’  t we drove back to my house and left the girl at the neighbour’  s place. We talked about it and he assured me that I am the one that he wants not her she is just in denial. As always Friday after work we went to his place and Saturday night there was a knock on the door and waaaaaaaa the girl again. I gave them space and went out then few minutes later I decided to go back in the house the poor girl was in tears telling him how much she loves him and how much she wanted them to have the second chance. She told me that she loves the guy so much where she is even willing to accept the fact that I am in the picture. I told her that I am not settling for this and the guy told her infront of me that he does no longer want her he wants me and he wants to settle with me. Because it was late and she does not have the car we offered to drive her back home. Looking at the tense situation I decided to let the guy stay behind and drove her home with the neighbour’  s child her house is an hour drive. Well we dropped her off and came back around 11:00 at night. Sunday me and the guy went to the stadium to watch Chiefs playing when we came back the neighbor told us that the girl was there crying telling her how much she loves the guy. And the neighbor manages to convince her to go telling her that we are not coming back.

I don’  t know anymore how to handle this girl I am not sure if she will ever giveup on this man. I am not sure if I should trust this man that when I am not around if she will be able to let this girl go. I hate being in this type of fiasco. Please advice what should I do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Truth and others sound about right. Why have you been in such a hurry to get into a serious sexual relationship with this guy ? Things going "okay" shouldnt suggest they should go "fast" - aren't you worth more than that ? He still had and has ongoing really serious problems with his ex, who was far from Ex enough for him to climb into another realtionship and your bed. That he allowed her such acces yo him while supposedly having a relationship with you, strongly suggests he isn't finioshed with that relationship, either, and may even have been using you as a tactic to influence her. He could have got a restraining order to prevent her from coming near him again. I see no likelihood that you will find hppiness in continuing this relationship. Don't you deserve better ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mo | 2011/04/18

Only if I know how long does it take for one to fall inlove I will be the happiest. I know of someone who met this guy and they both jumped to bed and got married after 5months they have been together for 8 years now and still very happy and therre''s someone who waited for 9months and they got married after 3years and the poor man was so miserable. How long does it take to fall in love and jump to bed

Reply to Mo
Posted by: Gogo | 2011/04/18

Mo, you love this guy finish and klaar. 3 month or 9 years it doesnt make a difference. U are an adult you made your choice.

Reply to Gogo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/17

Truth and others sound about right. Why have you been in such a hurry to get into a serious sexual relationship with this guy ? Things going "okay" shouldnt suggest they should go "fast" - aren't you worth more than that ? He still had and has ongoing really serious problems with his ex, who was far from Ex enough for him to climb into another realtionship and your bed. That he allowed her such acces yo him while supposedly having a relationship with you, strongly suggests he isn't finioshed with that relationship, either, and may even have been using you as a tactic to influence her. He could have got a restraining order to prevent her from coming near him again. I see no likelihood that you will find hppiness in continuing this relationship. Don't you deserve better ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/04/15

Glad u agree that you do not love him.
You cannot fully love someone and commit to them until you know them really well - 3 months is too short a time, if you had not rushed so quickly into bed you would have become aware that he has not fully broken away from this girl. lf he had he would have got a restraining order to stop her hanging around his place nor would he consider having any conversation with her however brief.
As for having you run her home that is ridiculous.
You are not sure you can trust him because deep down you know you cannot.When you truly love someone it is easy to trust them because they have earned your trust - this takes longer than 3 months.
Now you have come to your senses and realised what a low class situation you are in dump him.
Next time do not jump into bed so quickly, if a man is interested in you he will wait.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Mo | 2011/04/15

Truth I can''t I love him how long does it take to fall inlove.

Reply to Mo
Posted by: Truth | 2011/04/15

You cannot fall in love properly in 3 months - and u should not be sleeping with someone so soon . you rushed into this and look at what you are stuck in now. Dump him and go slowly with the next man.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Mo | 2011/04/15

I love him that''s why

Reply to Mo
Posted by: Truth | 2011/04/15

Why are u sleeping over with a guy u have only known for 3 months!?

Reply to Truth

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