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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2009-01-21

Confused and heartbroken after an affair

I had an affair with my boss for just over a year, everything stopped last year Nov, when he met someone. We would get together afterwork sometimes during and weekends. I was basically at his beck and call, when i called it off, he would send me sweat sms and i would react by thinking he still wants me and meet up with him....but i was wrong and now i feal used, betrayyed and embarrased. The worst thing about this is, is that i am married nearly 9 years. At the time my boss and i got together my marriage was not going strong at all, and divorce was a daily discussion. I have tried to put everything behind me and rebuild my relationship with my husband, but i find it difficult. Probably because i see my boss everyday, and his charm just .........i have tried keeping to myself and especially out of his way but its hurting to much inside, knowing that he has someone else and that i have just been pushed aside, because that how i feel, i was only good enough for one thing... i need to know how to get through this, please dont judge me i know what i did was wrong. Finding another job is not a solution, i just need the strength to put everything behind.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why do people expect to have affairs and to find happiness in them ? You provided him with free sex and ego boosting, and you allowed him to use you. YOu were apparently uterly content to cheat on your husband --- that there were marital problems is entirely irrelevant --- the solution to those is marriage counselling, not an affair.
Wake up and recognize that your boss's "charm" is just a cheap way to buy sex from you ( and perhaps some other women, too ). If you were prepared to cheat on your husband, with a man who was happy to help you cheat --- what made you assume that he would never cheat on you ?
And yet, you are whining about your own upset at losing your lover, and not a word of sympathy or concern for your husband. Dom you really expect people not to find that obnoxious ? And I really grow weary of hearing from people who do cruel things to other people, but then insist "DOn't judge me !" Why shouldn't people judge you ? While you're feeling sorry for yourself for having recognized that he was only using you --- don't you judge yourself ?
This situation was TOTALLY predictable from the start, almost inevitable. WHy did you not notice that ?
Eddie and Aries make good sense.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nonnie | 2009-01-22

I can guarantee you that 80 % of the people dissing this poor woman, has ALSO stepped over the fine line of infedility in some way or another at some point in their lives.
Stop judging the woman!! She' s asking advice, that' s IT.

Reply to Nonnie
Posted by: Choice | 2009-01-22

I have to say that confused is not in an easy situation. Yes she caused it upon herself but hey what would you have done. It is always easy for one judge a situation where you were not in, but how many of us do the wrong thing when consciously knowing it is wrong. When a marriage is going through a dip, yes counselling should be considered before an affair, but confused did not elaborate on how bad the marriage was (not that this would justify the situation) but when one is volnerable it is very hard to resist many things. Getting invloved with your boss was not a very good thing to do but I am sure you had your reasons but you must get over this as he just took advantage of your situation. I think now is the time to go for counselling and do your best to make your marriage work and in future if things to not get better in your marriage, consider a divorce before an affair... Good luck!

Reply to Choice
Posted by: ???? | 2009-01-22

Disapointed - I can really see that you have not gone through the hurt and pain and devestation of your partner stuffing around. Confused MUST take responsibility for her actions. Please think about the other spouses, children and families ruined by the likes of her and her so called lover. Ask yourself if you were on the receving end if you would be so quick to offer consolation. She knew that her post would get a lot of attention - I guess she can' t live without attention. She should be ashamed and suffer the consequence!! I DO NOT sympethise at all - she got what she bargained for!! There' s a saying in Afrikaans - " as jy jouself vir ' n toffie uitgee, moet jy bereid wees om gekou te word" .

Reply to ????
Posted by: Confused | 2009-01-22

I appreciate the comments received by all, i dont expect sympathy from anyone. I have done wrong and i need to deal with it.

Thank you,

PS! i dont have aids

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Disenchanted | 2009-01-22

Many people become weak and give in to temptation! Some of you critics might evene have done it and gotten away with it! But my main point is that all the above comments are correct and fair, but still no or bad advise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Confused please go to the FAMSA.org.za website there you might find some answers.
Stay strong!

Reply to Disenchanted
Posted by: Phil | 2009-01-22

I just want to say one thing, affairs can kill people inside FOREVER.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Eddie | 2009-01-22

To: Disappointed

You have to be incredibly stupid to put yourself in a position like this. And let yourself get used by your boss - for a year.

My advice was sincere.

I noticed you (and D 2) haven' t exactly provided any constructive advice here.

Reply to Eddie
Posted by: Gemini | 2009-01-22

Agree with those who have posted adverse comments and especiallhy with Cyber Doc. Spot On !! What a piece of work you turned out to be. How can anyone sympathise with you ? You Boss is no better , a real low life. You wanted some advice, here does. Have the decency to insist on a divorce from your poor husband and oh yes get that HIV test !! Can t wish you good luck though !

Reply to Gemini
Posted by: Aries | 2009-01-22

To Disappointed: WTF?

How are my comments insincere?

Reply to Aries
Posted by: Disapointed 2 | 2009-01-21

I agree with disapointed. I hope the poor girl does not read these comments, they should all be deleted.

Reply to Disapointed 2
Posted by: disapointed | 2009-01-21

None of you including Cyber have given this girl advice, you have all just broken her down. Did she ask to be kicked - NO. If you cannot give advice then keep your comments to yourselves unless you you have something positive to say. To confused I hope you don' t take any of these comments to heart, I will not comment as I have never been in your position. All I can say is, consider this as a lesson learnt, and never repeat the past. Good luck in repairing and working at your marriage.

Reply to disapointed
Posted by: Aries | 2009-01-21

1. Confess to your husband
2. Find another job
2. Go for councilling
3. Go for an HIV test

Reply to Aries
Posted by: Yeah | 2009-01-21

What do you want to hear? Shame? Ag poor you? - YOU bloody got what you deserved. Now you feel all sorry for youself. The odasity really. You know what they say - if he can do it with you, he can do it to you - you are living proof. No, you got what you deserved and your poor husband and his wife. Shame on you - take this on the chin.

Reply to Yeah
Posted by: ??? | 2009-01-21

u def not gonna get any sympathy here .... but will get alot 4 u' r hubby - 2 b marries 2 a 2 faced woman like u...... the poor thing

Reply to ???
Posted by: Eddie | 2009-01-21

Confused about what?

You knew what you were getting into.

My advice:
1. Divorce your husband
2. Get a new job
3. Get a life

You won' t get much sympathy from anyone here....

Ed

Reply to Eddie

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