Posted by: CONFUSED NOT THE WORD | 2009-01-06

Confused about statement

I am not sure to whom I should address this problem. My husband tells me that he is not in love with me, but loves me very much! We have been married for 15 years, and the last 8 years, no sex?? He put it down that the problem lies with him..... I don' t believe this...... can someone please enlighten me????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Its very difficult for a man to be interested in sex when has great problems on his mind – given your situation its very likely a factor. How old is he? I presume he is over 40 and could have hormonal problems. Probably has depression and issues of self worth – hence he says he is the problem. Love you but not in love with you? Makes perfect sense – happens automatically in most relationships after a few years. But I suspect that by this he means he ahs lost his sex drive. You should both go for professional help

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Our users say:
Posted by: CONFUSED NOT THE WORD | 2009-01-09

Hi Wondering,

Thanks for your advice.

Posted by: wondering | 2009-01-08

A man can love you, but not have sex with you. There are different types of love, and not all revolve around sex. However since you are a couple, sex is important and a healthy/vital part of the relationship.

It all depends on his baggage and if he can get beyond that. If not, its better to move on and find someone that will not only love you very much, but someone that shows this and that also makes love to you. Maybe you should go see the shrink with him once and discuss the options, or see the shrink on your own. Your commitment is touching but it could also mess up your life. I don' t know the situation so I can' t really comment on if there is help, but there is already one professional " at the scene"  and you should make use of his/her knowledge of the problem.

Reply to wondering
Posted by: Confused not the word | 2009-01-08

Hi Wondering,
But then how can you explain as well when he says that I will always be the one. At the moment he is seeing a shrink, and the shrink tells me that he has emotional baggage. Bearing in mind that we have lost all our businesses due to his partner, our house, and car. I have gone back to work. We are working thru - but I seem to think there is hope. What do you think?

Reply to Confused not the word
Posted by: Wondering | 2009-01-07

Between being in love and just love there is a difference, the one is the absolute bliss at the beginning of the relationship and the other is a another, not at a hormonal level.

But 8 years of no sex? I think he meant to say, he loves you like a siter or something, not like a woman he wants to make love to.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Oh Boy | 2009-01-06

Yes dear, he is getting it somewhere else, no normal person can just stop.

Reply to Oh Boy

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