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Question
Posted by: fifi | 2013-02-04

CONFUSED

i need advise
i have been with my husband for 10 years and we have 2 children. I recently found 2 condoms (which we have never used) in his laptop bag. Is he cheating on me?

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9
Our users say:
Posted by: JR | 2013-02-06

If you are celibate, you don''t need condoms. Yes, it'' is my honest opinion, and any man that is not up front and on the level with his wife about EVERYTHING, including condoms in his lap top bag is up to something he does not want her to know about.

We have aids days too, and they hand out free condoms. Do I take them? No, Why not? Because what exactly would I do with them since there isn''t a man in my life, and since I am not planning to do anything I should be " prepared"  for, I do not need them.

Different circumstances, but I have been there, I have been told I did nothing wrong, when in fact, had I done it, I would have been tarred and featherd and burned at the stake for being dishonest and not telling him everything.

So, sorry. In my world, eyes wide open. No more naivity. If I can smell a rat, ther is one. And If I don''t know about it, you are lying to me, and I am sorry, but that is not to be tollerated, no matter how much you think you did nothing wrong.

Reply to JR
Posted by: Noways | 2013-02-05

JR I hope that what you have written herour is not your honest opinion. There is nothing wrong with asking the man but be prepared for an answer that says they were handed for free for promotion at work and if you dont accept it just think about my story. I fortunately account to no one but God for my celibacy and He knows all truths so I dont have to meet the standards of men.

Reply to Noways
Posted by: JR | 2013-02-05

With respect, if you are celibate, why do you have them? You have to consider what it looks like to the wife. Any woman would react exctly the same and question. If he has nothing to hide, why did he not just come right out with it and say to her, look babe, some free condoms, should we try them out???

Where there''s smoke there is fire, and any lady in a commited relationship should have her eyes wide open if she finds things they, as a couple do not use. Sorry, but, I would also question your celibacy if I found condoms in your house. If you are not going to use them, why do you have them? Why not just toss them, why keep them lying around? You have to consider what it LOOKS like,and anger when it looks like you are not celibate when you claim to be, would be very inappropriate response in my opinion. But that''s now typical male for you. I have them, but I did nothing wrong and I expect you to believe me just becuase I say so.

Reply to JR
Posted by: Noways | 2013-02-05

Ladies i am single and celibate but if you can look in my house you will find condoms, some I get from promotional packs or different things. Even though I wont use them i dont throw them away. I would hate having to explain why they are in my house when I claim celibacy. Yes I account to no one for my celibacy but i would be very cross if anyone can doubt me because of having a few condoms.

Reply to Noways
Posted by: Amasi | 2013-02-05

If it is government Choice, then he could have picked it up somewhere innocent. If it is others, then you have a very good reason to worry.

Few weeks back I found one that I stashed in my laptop bag three years back. I have received a few again from people promoting HIV/AIDS in the past and just throw it in my laptop bag (I dont carry a hand bag remember?). Yes I took it because I was just not thinking or thinking naughty.

7971d7

Reply to Amasi
Posted by: Shozi | 2013-02-05

He could be thinking of cheating or doing it either way the best thing to do is confront him. I agree that as his wife you deserve an explanation in fact you deserve the truth - not that it will be told to you.

Let what he says guide your next step. Nothing we say here will confirm whether he is cheating or not. Have you observed his actions and behaviour lately, have you noticed any change...new perfume, change of style bla bla. You lived with him for a decade surely you will be able to notice if something is amiss. My bet is that you dont trust him already which could be why you were snooping in his stuff.

Reply to Shozi
Posted by: JR | 2013-02-05

Yes, he is cheating. However, personally, I would not accept it, not just from a safety point of view, but I could not live with myself knowing his mind and his feelings are elsewhere. This includes internet chat rooms, pornography, mixit - any form of not being totally true ot you is cheating and anything you don''t know about that he knows you would not approve of is cheating. I would drive myself mad with what is he thinking, were is he, who is he with and so forth, and, how do you know it''s only one?

No. I would command total fidelity. Either he stops his sh!t, or he can move out. I know that what I am saying is hard, but you have to be hard, and your man needs to understand that you are not going to tolerate bullsh!t if that is the route you decide to take. If you show weakness, he will use it to his advantage.

I would not accept cheating, I hope you dont either. It is extremely disrespectful and wrong and will ultimately eat you up from the inside causing you to become jealous clingy needy - all the bad things you can live without. Don''t put up with it. Men get away with it, because we accept it and view it as " normal" 

Good luck.
I hope you manage to sort it out

Reply to JR
Posted by: Jennifer | 2013-02-05

was it open or still sealed? Ausi know that this is normal n also shows that u hubby is playing it safe. Learn to know that men cheat but its good that he respect u, love ur man n forget whats inside his bag. Sit down n talk is a good idea because communication is the best key to success. All the best

Reply to Jennifer
Posted by: ME | 2013-02-04

It is highly possible my dear. Sit down and talk to him, at least you deserve an explanation. All da best and God bless.

Reply to ME

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