Our expert says:
Let him competely finish the divorce, both legally and emotionally, otherwise he won't be ready for committing himself properly to a new relationship. Maybe seeing a couples counsellor together might help to get things into perspective. I think its worth distinguishing two importantly different things. Its good, praiseworthy and desirable that a separated / divorced mann remains loyal to his children, and cares for them, sees them, and provides for them. Its not good, especially if he wants to get into another relationship, if he remains committed to his Ex-wife, and remains involved with her - beyond that degree of contact necessary to o care for the children.
Whether he needs to may for medical aid for his ex is debatable, but to include the children on his medical aid is wise. That's sensible, not heroic.
If she chooses to manipulate the situation by using the children to keep getting him back to deal with small problems she should deal with herself, that's bad, and should be discouraged by him.
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