Our expert says:
Imaturity can be awfully annoying in a partner - though they usually do eventually grow out of it, some take a surprisingly long time doing that ! Living with his mom isn't always as sinister as people seem to assume - if he is still a student, it may be an economical and practical solution. But more worrying would be what you so eloquently call "living in cruise mode", on autopilot, as it were. SO long as the situation is comfortable and change isn't unavoidable, some folks choose to cruise for years on end.
I don't buy the complaint that you are changing him ( and if you were capable of doing that, you'd have succeeded and would have nothing to complain about ). Telling him what career he must follow, what he must eat, etc., OK, over-controlling. Telling him you expect him to grow up, face the world, and become independent is much less prescriptive, and is what indeed his mother and father ought to be telling him, too.
Has your bf not had a good chance to grow out of his fantasy life ? Does he want to, and try to ? If not, he wont grow.
Most women expect to enjoy caring for children when those are their own eventual infantgs ; they generally don't appreciate marrying a large infant, and having to care for them from the start
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