advertisement
Question
Posted by: Lulu | 2011/11/25

Confused

I have been with this guy since 2006 and in 2008 he decided he wants to go to school fulltime and get a degree,this is his final year.He studied at a university in another province.While he was there he "  tracked"  my phone and would see my sms without me knowing and he discovered sms from guys who wanted me and they had my numbers because one of them was once a collegue,I never had anything to do with those guys except at one point he had hurt me,I called the collegue guy and he found out,I confessed and told him everything,how I met the guy and why I called him.He said I was leading the guy on and to me I thot he was being rude and arrogant and it so happened sometime last year I went and had dinner with a male friend and confessed to him but he felt there was more,he wanted outs of the relationship and I assured him of my love and acknowledged my lack of seeing things objectively and assured him I was not cheating,it ws just supper and knowing that he doesnt like me to have male friend that is one of the reasons I lied.We worked things through and we were fine.In September I had a miscarriage,he didnt take it well,was less supportive and he said that was his way of dealing with the loss and again this year we lost yet another baby and it has been painful and traumatic for both of us.Everything was well until two weeks back.We always agreed he would be back and get a job in Gauteng.All of a sudden he tells me I had hurt him so much that he feels it was because he was not working I went to dinners with collegues,I did not appreciate him so he had put on a bold face and he felt he couldnt do that anymore and he is about to start his career life and maybe he will meet someone who will then appreciate him.I had asked for forgiveness then (March 2010) and i thought we were fine all along.He is telling me I must go to "  my collegues"  ,why do I now feel I can apprecaite him?when then he was nothing I did not.I realy love this guy and had done anything for the future together ,rich or poor.At some point he told me one prophet told him me and him can never have kids together hence the miscarriage.I dont know what to believe as the reason for not wanting me as part of his future,is it because he feels I can never give him a child and he cannot be with me or he was so hurt and only "  now"  he thinks about how hurt he was ?I am realy confused and I feel very responsible if it is because of the collegues,but if its the child issue,it is beyond my control and my power.
How do I deal with this?what might be his " real"  problem

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like a problem. Isn't it illegal for him to hack into your phone and read your SMS, especially remotely ? Maybe you were at some time being rude and arogant towards your bf, but to have spied on you as he id is extremely rude and arrogant, too.
In the latest developments, I wonder whether he hasn't already met someone else, and plans to switch to them, and just making excuses to blame you rather than take responsibility.
I don't believe his claim about what "a prophet" told him, only what a proper gynaecologist might say. Its too convenient for him to make this claim now.
I don't think this is at all about him having been hurt, or even about whether or not you can have a child, but he's succeeding in persuading you to blame yourself for problems he has been causing.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/25

Sounds like a problem. Isn't it illegal for him to hack into your phone and read your SMS, especially remotely ? Maybe you were at some time being rude and arogant towards your bf, but to have spied on you as he id is extremely rude and arrogant, too.
In the latest developments, I wonder whether he hasn't already met someone else, and plans to switch to them, and just making excuses to blame you rather than take responsibility.
I don't believe his claim about what "a prophet" told him, only what a proper gynaecologist might say. Its too convenient for him to make this claim now.
I don't think this is at all about him having been hurt, or even about whether or not you can have a child, but he's succeeding in persuading you to blame yourself for problems he has been causing.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement