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Question
Posted by: LindiM | 2011/08/11

confused

I have been dating the father of my child for 9 yrs and out of the 9yrs i would say I have been happy for only the first 2 years of our relationship.He cheated on me several times, spending more time with friends and less time with me and our daughter.

For the past 3 months he changed a lot, he''s been a good father and a lover to me but what funny is that he decided to change too late my heart has been hurt so much that I don''t love him they way I used to. I spoke to him last weekend and told him that I feel that our relationship is dead I am only in the relationship because we share a child together. I also informed him that i need a space we should break up. Now he is begging me telling me telling me how much i mean to him and that he''s been planning for us to get married next year.
Now I feel sorry for him, I am not sure if I should give him another chance or just move on with my life and start fresh.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So you know him to be a cheat, a liar, and a bad and unreliable partner to you. You say RECENTLY he has seemd a good father to the children - after all these years, why might this be ? That you allowed him back into your life ( and, from your comments, apparently back into your bed ) is hardly wise, and you need not apologise for responding normally to someone who until so recently has treated you and the child so badly. And there is absolutely no good reason for you to feel sorry for him, as his situation is exactly as he created it.
Why on earth would he suddenly recide, 9 YEARS LATER that he actually loves you and wants to get married ? Has someone else suddenly deserted him ? Dooes he want your financial support ?
YOu are absolutely right to be suspicious and cautious. Have you discussed this with family and friends ?
Overall, I see no reason at all for you to give him "another chance" - 9 years represented an awful lot of chances ! Move on, and protect yourself and your child
He made this bed for himself ( not yours ! ) and should lie on it alone

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Jenni | 2011/08/11

I''m inclined to think that maybe he is acting this way because he just doesn''t have any fling on the side to keep him occupied. Or, maybe you are like his " safety blanket"  and he''s either realized what a -|- he''s been and he wants to change, truely. Either way, if he really loves you, he would respect your wanting to have some time apart. It may change your mind about him (I.E. you might want to go back) or it might change his mind about you (I.E. he realises he can live without you). Either way, I think you need a long break to think about this. You say that you are with him for the child only, but if you are not happy, that could damage your child more than a seperation.

Reply to Jenni
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/11

So you know him to be a cheat, a liar, and a bad and unreliable partner to you. You say RECENTLY he has seemd a good father to the children - after all these years, why might this be ? That you allowed him back into your life ( and, from your comments, apparently back into your bed ) is hardly wise, and you need not apologise for responding normally to someone who until so recently has treated you and the child so badly. And there is absolutely no good reason for you to feel sorry for him, as his situation is exactly as he created it.
Why on earth would he suddenly recide, 9 YEARS LATER that he actually loves you and wants to get married ? Has someone else suddenly deserted him ? Dooes he want your financial support ?
YOu are absolutely right to be suspicious and cautious. Have you discussed this with family and friends ?
Overall, I see no reason at all for you to give him "another chance" - 9 years represented an awful lot of chances ! Move on, and protect yourself and your child
He made this bed for himself ( not yours ! ) and should lie on it alone

Reply to cybershrink

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