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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2011/06/29

Confused

Hi Doc

I''ve been with my girlfriend for many years and we going through a rough patch for the following reason:

1. I study part-time, as i run my own business, and a girl in my class sent me a sms starting with hey babe( this girl however is like that with everyone). My gf was very upset because she called me that and because i delted that message afterwards which she read.( i del because i didn''t want to upset her)

2. i''m in sales(own business) and i call on a paticular office(one of my ttop clients, who are one of my best clients, however mostly female) and when its there brithdays i buy them cake.

My Gf says because i never told her of the two things above i''ve broken her trust, im watched like a hawke and have my cell phone checked all the time.

I Love her to bits and have never been unfaithful and never will.

im just confused would apprciate your input doc.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She does indeed sound excssively insecure and jealous, in ways that can seriously damage any long-term relationship, and would probably benefit from some personal counselling to enhance her self-esteem and confidence. What you're describing is borderline paranoid. She seems to want from you a sort of male equivalent of the Burqa ( that huge, cover-all garment worn by some conservative Muslim ) - in the real world of business, does she expect you to insist on doing business only wity men ? Or to keep a list for her of all the women you meet ( who she seems to assume are uniformly predatory ) ?
As maria says, is there more, at a reasonable level, you could do to help her feel you do indeed focus on her ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anne | 2011/06/29

I think that maybe some reassurance on your part may help her. Tell her in so many words that you love her to bits and that you would never do anything to compromise your relationship and love.

Maybe this is overboard, but women love this. Shower her with surprises like flowers at work, chocolates, even a note in her coat pocket that says something like "  thinking about you and missing you - I just wanted you to know"  Not every day, and not overboard, but now and then, just so she knows she is special and the chosen one.

I wish you luck. Being a little insecure myself, I know how she feels and the above from my special man really helped me feel better - along with some working on myself as the doc said to let go of the neediness and insecurity.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/29

Oh and just wanted to add... are you meeting her needs in terms of love and attention? Perhaps the problem isn''t really your interaction with other people but rather that there is something lacking in your relationship.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/29

She sounds really insecure. Are you sure it''s just those two incidents? Maybe consider some counselling.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/29

She does indeed sound excssively insecure and jealous, in ways that can seriously damage any long-term relationship, and would probably benefit from some personal counselling to enhance her self-esteem and confidence. What you're describing is borderline paranoid. She seems to want from you a sort of male equivalent of the Burqa ( that huge, cover-all garment worn by some conservative Muslim ) - in the real world of business, does she expect you to insist on doing business only wity men ? Or to keep a list for her of all the women you meet ( who she seems to assume are uniformly predatory ) ?
As maria says, is there more, at a reasonable level, you could do to help her feel you do indeed focus on her ?

Reply to cybershrink

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