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Question
Posted by: MissD | 2011-05-25

confused

Hi. I met my bf 7 months ago and we went straight into a relationship. Over the months, I have realised that we dont click on some fundamental issues and we have fought quite a bit lately. He travels quite extensively and over the past month that he has been away, I have been reflecting and need to make up my mind whether it is make or break when he gets back this weekend.
However, I have been friends with this other guy for the past year and a half. We have become good friends and we get on really well and have the same ideas on life. I really like this other guy but am scared to make the break with my bf because it is better the devil you know than the angel you dont. What happens if I break up with my bf and then if my friend and I start seeing more of eachother and I also realise he we are on the same wavelength? Then I have basically lost everything.
I am so confused and dont know which way to turn - please help. Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Most people sem more devilish the more you get to know them, and seem more angelic the less you know them. But one of the points of spending time geting to know someone is to discover that they're neither, and to decide whether the pair of you are compatible or not.
Sounds like you're partly feeling bad as a result of the false assumption many people make that you only ever get one or two lottery tickets in the relationship lottery, and that any loss means you'll be a lonely hermit for the rest of your life. Not so ! Everyone you meet is a learning opportunity.
There's no value at all in remaining with someone with whom you're not substantially happy enough.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011-05-25

It sounds as if you are so scared of being single that you will rather be in a bad relationship than in no relationship. You need to think about that. I believe one can only have a really meaningful relationship with someone else if you are comfortable enough with yourself to be single for a while.

Don''t stay in a relationship that has no future, why would you do that to yourself? Break up with the guy, be friends with this other guy and see if it leads to a more intimate relationship. If it does, then great. If it doesn''t, also ok, you will have the opportunity to grow as a person, do new things, meet new people... this would not be a bad thing, surely?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Mrs P | 2011-05-25

It sounds like you are keeping your options open. That does not work. If you are going to break up with your bf, it must be because there isnt a future for the two of you, not because there is another guy on the horison, and, you cannot stay with your bf because what if this other guy does not make you happy either.

That is just my two cent worth

Reply to Mrs P
Posted by: Robert | 2011-05-25

1st of all that you need to ask yourself, am i happy with A or will i be more happy with B. It''s no use to be with someone and you are unhappy, period if you think there is no possible way of marrying the guy, then why continue with an unhappy relationship.

do you feel happy if A is back from his travel or do you feel sad. Only you can answer this, so think what makes you happy, you will know.

Reply to Robert
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-25

Most people sem more devilish the more you get to know them, and seem more angelic the less you know them. But one of the points of spending time geting to know someone is to discover that they're neither, and to decide whether the pair of you are compatible or not.
Sounds like you're partly feeling bad as a result of the false assumption many people make that you only ever get one or two lottery tickets in the relationship lottery, and that any loss means you'll be a lonely hermit for the rest of your life. Not so ! Everyone you meet is a learning opportunity.
There's no value at all in remaining with someone with whom you're not substantially happy enough.

Reply to cybershrink

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