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Question
Posted by: Andy | 2011/02/15

Confused

My very good friend and i startaed developing feelings for each other and flirting.we werent technically together but we were entertaining the idea.one day out of the blue he tells me he has a gf and i am so hurt.i love this guy but now he only has time for his gf.should i pursue him o just leave him alone?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm never quite sure about whether people are "technically" anything - somehow it implies the existence of a book of rules somewhere, and maybe a team of adjudicators, like on Idols. I don't quite understand - he is a "very good friend" of yours, but you didn't know he had a girlfriend ? That doesn't sound accurate. Now, instead of maybe feeling a bit fond of him, you say you're so in love with him ? Didn't that happen in rather a hurry ? He has a gf, and he is , honourably, wanting to stay with her rather than cheat on her. Why would you want to "pursue him" and try to get him to cheat on her ? Either you will fail, and embarrass and hurt yourself, him and her - or you will succeed, hurt her, and know you are with a cheater. Where's the advantage ?

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Man | 2011/02/15

When u were in Cape town he found something better,if he wanted u as a gf he would have done so before u left.He was not missing u.
lt is right that he has time only for his gf and not you, do not pursue him.He has made his choice - it is NOT u.
He was never really considering u as a gf - he was playing you!

Reply to Man
Posted by: Andy | 2011/02/15

I Didnt quite word that one correctly.i had gone to cape town for two weeks and when i came back he had a gf.he didnt have one before.he told me that we would get together as soon as i returned from cape town

Reply to Andy
Posted by: qwerty | 2011/02/15

Just leave him be. If you still want to be " friends"  that''s up to you, but it sounds like he was just using you as a pit stop while he was waiting to meet someone better.

It''s possible that he wasn''t using you, and he met someone else unexpectedly that he really likes... But either way he still acted pretty lousy by just hopping off to another relationship when you guys were on the brink of one.

Don''t wait around for him to finish with this girl - don''t be anyone''s second choice! You deserve to be with someone who wants YOU.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/15

I'm never quite sure about whether people are "technically" anything - somehow it implies the existence of a book of rules somewhere, and maybe a team of adjudicators, like on Idols. I don't quite understand - he is a "very good friend" of yours, but you didn't know he had a girlfriend ? That doesn't sound accurate. Now, instead of maybe feeling a bit fond of him, you say you're so in love with him ? Didn't that happen in rather a hurry ? He has a gf, and he is , honourably, wanting to stay with her rather than cheat on her. Why would you want to "pursue him" and try to get him to cheat on her ? Either you will fail, and embarrass and hurt yourself, him and her - or you will succeed, hurt her, and know you are with a cheater. Where's the advantage ?

Reply to cybershrink

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