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Question
Posted by: ManInNeed | 2010/11/05

Confused!!!!

I am in a process of divorce, which is bitter. my marriage has been an abusive one (emotionally, verbally and psychologically, etc) and recently got involved in a relationship. I explained the whole situation to my current partner, however she wants us to move in together, have a baby and plan a family together. And this issues are putting so much pressure on me since I discussed my situation with her in the beginning. When I tell her sometimes I need space she doesn''t understand, she feels like I''m rejecting her or jolling somewhere.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Steer clear of this one - she sounds voraciously desperate and needy, imposing her selfish needs on a nice guy she has recognized as vulnerable. It is extremely rare for a lasting and happy relationship to be formed in a situation like this. Take your time, get through abnd beyond the bitter divorce, and when you are healed, start forming friendships again. Don't start going out with a girl already wanting to choose names for your firstborn. She is exploiting your situation. Make polite excuses and get out of this, and take your time to get through the divorce.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: mikky | 2010/11/05

Let me tell you something about a situation similar to yours. I met a man who was going through a messy divorce, I made it clear in the beginning what I wanted out of life (I was 29 and wanted to married and have kids one day), he told me he was not in a position for the same reasons you have given above.

I did the ''right'' thing and was patient and supportive and understanding.... 3 years down the line, divorce is long gone and his scars still prevent him from moving on with life.

Dont leave her any doubt as to your intentions. If you want her to wait, then tell her so, but dont keep her waiting patiently forever. If you feel like you cant be in a relationship right now, tell her. Just be honest - Its only fair to her.

CS - It is possible that she is NOT exploting the situation. I find that woman who get involved with divorced men are not given the same benefit of the doubt as they would if they were involved with someone who wasnt divorced. You live under the shadow of the ex wife for a long time, her faults are yours to bear for a long time.

Reply to mikky
Posted by: Apple | 2010/11/05

Hi there... I totally agree with CyberShrink: take your time. It will be foolish to jump into a very serious relationship right now. You definitely need more time.

Maybe you should explain it to her again - the unselfish thing for her to do, is to understand.
You can tell her that you really want to be with her, but that you feel it is moving too fast. Tell her that you still want to see her exclusively and nothing will change - you just need more time and that she has to be patient and understand your situation.

Good luck... keep us updated on what happened.


Reply to Apple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/05

Steer clear of this one - she sounds voraciously desperate and needy, imposing her selfish needs on a nice guy she has recognized as vulnerable. It is extremely rare for a lasting and happy relationship to be formed in a situation like this. Take your time, get through abnd beyond the bitter divorce, and when you are healed, start forming friendships again. Don't start going out with a girl already wanting to choose names for your firstborn. She is exploiting your situation. Make polite excuses and get out of this, and take your time to get through the divorce.

Reply to cybershrink

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