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Question
Posted by: ntokozo | 2010/01/10

confused

Currently I am in a situation whereby, I met this guy at work, he is a contract worker and I am his boss, I don' t mind if he is a contract worker or what, what really matters to me is the love we have for each other.
The problem is that, his mother has chosen a lady for him to marry and apparently they share a child together, but this guy is no longer interested in a lady and she stays with them due to some complicated situation.
He promised to marry me but his mother does not even wanna hear a thing about me, she hates me and she doesn' t even know me or saw me.his mother once gave me a call threatining me and the lady together with the guy ' s sisters.we love each other very much. they share the same bed with a lady, bt he says they are not doing anything, touching and whatever,i know its impossible but I somehow believe him because we sometimes spend weekends together and he wont wanna have sex with me, when I ask why, he would say, he will wait for me till im ready, he is a gentle man and this is what makes me go crazy about me,i dont think il manage without him, i cry till the morning when he is away from me. when i dump him it hurts even more and when im with him it still hurts. I really need help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, you surely realize that workplace romances very rarely work out hapilly, especially when one of the couple is the other one's boss - when there is also an especially high risk of accusations of sexual harassment in due course.
Its obviously not up to his mother to decide who he marries, but if he has already made promses to this other wman AND has had a child with her ( which his mother could not have forced him to do ), then he has obligations to her. And if he is happy to ignore those, why wouldn't he be just as happy to ignore you when it came to suit him. Is he not motivated to express "love" for you because it suits him in this job, to maybe get a better position, maybe a permanent one ?
It really sounds as though you have highly unrealistic expectations. And how do you manage to do the management job you apparently have, when weeping all day in "love" for one of your workers ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/10

Firstly, you surely realize that workplace romances very rarely work out hapilly, especially when one of the couple is the other one's boss - when there is also an especially high risk of accusations of sexual harassment in due course.
Its obviously not up to his mother to decide who he marries, but if he has already made promses to this other wman AND has had a child with her ( which his mother could not have forced him to do ), then he has obligations to her. And if he is happy to ignore those, why wouldn't he be just as happy to ignore you when it came to suit him. Is he not motivated to express "love" for you because it suits him in this job, to maybe get a better position, maybe a permanent one ?
It really sounds as though you have highly unrealistic expectations. And how do you manage to do the management job you apparently have, when weeping all day in "love" for one of your workers ?

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