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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2009/12/18

Confused

I just dont know what to do anymore, what I do know is that I dont want to go through another year like this. I have a problem with my child' s father. We are no longer together and I always tell him that he is very fortunate that I dont call him for anything. I dont bother him at all - he has his life and I have my own. I dont believe people when they say that a child is a bond between 2 people because he really isnt interested. Everytime we have a disagreement when we do talk he takes it out on our child and then he stops calling. After 3 months he will either call again or he will just turn up at my workplace telling me that he misses her. He is never consistent with his visits or calls. He tells me I lie when I say that she asks for him. There are days when my daughter will take the phone and tell me that she wants to talk to her daddy because she loves him so very much. I thought that maybe at 3 she will forget about him if I dont mention anything about him but a week will pass and she will ask for him. I believe I have no right to call him because he is now married and besides if I call when he is at home he cancels my calls. I dont want this to go next year because ideally at the end of the day my daughter will get hurt because I realised he doesnt really want her and if he does he has a funny way of showing it. What can I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A child CAN be a bond between two people, but not automatically or in every case. He absolutely should not be enabled to "take it out" on the child in any circumstances. Consult the maintenance folks at court and consider getting a court to order him to pay proper maintenance for his child. If he is so inconsistent, this can be damaging and troubling for the child, and there is no excuse for him behaving in this maner. The court could also be asked to recognize how cruelly he has treated the child, and could even decide that he has no further rights to contact her, depending on what you request and what it considers to be in the best interests of the child

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/12/18

A child CAN be a bond between two people, but not automatically or in every case. He absolutely should not be enabled to "take it out" on the child in any circumstances. Consult the maintenance folks at court and consider getting a court to order him to pay proper maintenance for his child. If he is so inconsistent, this can be damaging and troubling for the child, and there is no excuse for him behaving in this maner. The court could also be asked to recognize how cruelly he has treated the child, and could even decide that he has no further rights to contact her, depending on what you request and what it considers to be in the best interests of the child

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