Posted by: annon | 2009-08-17


hi, please advice me what to do. i' ll try keeping it short.

i have a wonderfull husband and child whom i love very much. my problem is i feel my husband does not bring his side in the house, he worries and cares more about his work. we used to work in the garden and fix stuff around the house, but this does not happen anymore, i still make time for them and i' m working, but my work does not overpower my responsibillities at home. it feels like i always have to raise the child on my own, fix stuff on my own, organise things, cook, clean, etc. yes he does bring in the majority of the money in the home but it is not nice being in a family when he is never home, or never do his part in the home. then theres the issue of having sex at night, i' m tired and mad because nothing gets done, then he gets mad at me, and starts accusing me of having other men etc. i cannot force him from his work, but his mind is set 24/7 on his work. What should i do? just forget about everything, or give him an altimatum, because talk does not help anymore?

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Our expert says:
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This often happens. He may trust you to manage the house so well, he can attend to work, where he may be very aware of needing to keep the job to support the family, and may feel insecure unless he gives it great efort. Have you calmly discussed this with him ? ( Not at a time when either of you are irritated ). See if you can make a plan together, for him to take some time in the evenings and weekend, for household chores you can work on together, for the child, and for you. COnsider pushing for mariage counselling, if you feel driven to an ultimatum

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009-08-18

Yeah, the gym is a really fantastic idea... I do the gym often and there are times when my partner is just too busy for me, I mean so busy that the s*x sometimes is 2nd or no priority on the list.... then when he gets too busy for me, I get busy with other things... I do however let him know how I feel.

I go to the gym a lo.... and if there is enough funds I make arrangements with some girl friends and we go out.. then all of a sudden he wants to know what I am up too... especially when he notices that the kids are not around....." where are the kids?"  he would ask... then I tell him.. I am on a break and I sent them to my mum. Then he wants to know what I am doing if the kids are not around... I always remind him, that there was me, him and I before the kids and sometimes.. it' s healthy to remember that!

We do love our kids, but having them away for a weekend won' t kill them or us!

Remember he can' t be too busy not to notice that the baby is not around!

When we fall into a routine... in relationships... we forget our responsibilities towards the relationship and often times.... that is what kills the relationship!

All the best!

Reply to Really
Posted by: annon | 2009-08-18

thanks, ' Really' , good thought, we don' t have movies or lots of shops here, but i' ll definately consider keeping myself busy with something else, maybe gym!

Reply to annon
Posted by: Really | 2009-08-18

I find that when you find other things that make you happy that do not involve him, I am not talking about house chores, other things, like going to the movies on your own, or with friends, he will notice and will want to entertain with you.

Arrange for a family member or a friend to take care of the baby for a day and maybe even the whole weekend and then do something out of the extra ordinary for yourself. Leave the house chores undone, just relax and take a break.....

All the best.

Reply to Really
Posted by: annnon | 2009-08-18

yes we' ve discussed this a thousand times. thanks!!

Reply to annnon

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