Posted by: AMY | 2009-06-05


I went out one night drinking with a friend of mine, we were at her house. We got so drunk and in the middle of the night i decided to go home. Her son of about 12 year came with his friends and sat around the house. my friend got so drunk she passed out. i decided to go home as drunk as i was. i asked her son with his friends to walk me home that night. i dont remember much but i think i passed out. when i reached home my husband asked me why am i full of thorns. i couldnt explain anything and think i might have been drugged now nothing to prove it. i confronted my friend and son my they not admitting anything. Everytime i see this socalled friend of mine now she dont greet me or seems nervous when i look at her, like she is hiding something. i cant remember what happened and i cant do anything about it but pls help me to forgive myself for being so careless. i am really feeling guilty for being so irresponsible. i am feeling ashamed of what happened to me not telling my husband how i feel because he would resent me. already i resent myself. i am keeping it a secret from him that something like a rape might have happened. PLS HELP WITH DETAILED ADVISE......

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Our expert says:
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In addition to my earlier response, I agree with the two sensible reader responses posted so far

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Posted by: BI | 2009-06-05

Amy, Maybe you should give up drinking.
It' s not easy but if it has that effect then it cannot be healthy at all.
Please you gotta take care of yourself.
Drinking is not helping you, only harming you.

Take care.

Reply to BI
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-05

If I recall sometimes I use to get horribly drunk and can' t remember certain things about the evening, but nothing serious ever happened to me that I know of, cos people use to remind me of my embarrassing behaviour, and if I didnt have a lift home would call a taxi which I have on my cell phone, or I would get the barman to phone. Rather pay than be in serious danger.
You could of stumbled while walking home (thorns), how far was home, how many youngsters walked you home, did your husband see any of them?
You need to ask yourself first alot of questions trying to piece it together. What did you and your ' friend'  drink? She could be avoiding you because you sounded accussational. How long where you drinking for, did you mix your drinks, did you do anything else besides alcohol?
Whats the recent back ground of your ' friend'  and her son. What kind of character does the son have. Maybe find out who his friends were and ask them?
Basically what I am saying is that find out the necessary facts firsts or get someone to find out, and once you have established that a crime was committed against you. You will have to tell your husband and both of you would need counselling of course and the next step would be to lay a charge with the police.
How are you suppose to know a friend would do this, I think though if something did happen, probably be son and friends and she is protecting her son of course hence attitude towards you. How do you know her? Can you remember the evening at her home (everything) and the walk home? Basically what part is missing for you?
Amy you' ll have to live with this feeling for awhile unfortunately until you find out the truth, the things I have done in the past when drunk well I still live with it and once in awhile you would meet someone from your past and wham that wretched person will bring up what happened in 19 voetsak.
what i do think though is that you should tell your husband first, this is affecting psychologically and emotionally so maybe you not giving him enough credit, if he loves you he would be there for you, he obviously be angry first, but that should not last long.
I am not going to say what possessed you to walk home so drunk, but I think some if not all of us do stupid things when we drunk.
You not alone amy just have faith in yourself. How can you feel guilty if you dont know what happened. This is just a wake up call for you not to trust people and maybe if you want to go on a drinking binge, do it with people you trust and maybe in public places if its not really a good friend, and maybe keep a taxi number on hand if needed. Nowadays you have to take all these special precautions.

Reply to Anonymous

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