Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-20


I have been having an affair for the last 5 months, we have been on and off about our for the last 3 years. My husband is a drinker and over the years he has done a lot of things that put me off. Told hubby that I don' t love him, but he loves me. Trying to take evry prevention not to have sex with him, when we do i feel disgusted as if I don' t want him inside me. When I have sex with my lover, get get completey aroused, with hubby I am so dry inside we have to use Ky gel, I don' t get wet at all. Told my lover that I love him, he has' nt said that he loves me back but he care' s for me.I don' t wnat to be in a marrige where the love comes from one side. I don'  what to do, I know that I can' t love my husband back the way he loves me,cause I mean why would I have an affair. If I get the divorce I will dissapoint my 6 year old son and alot of other people. Do I think of other people or my happines, is it wise to get divorce, because so far I am not willing to let go of my lover. I have to be honest

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Our expert says:
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Would your husband agree to join you in marriage counselling, to explore what can and can't be sorted out between you ? Will he agree to get help for his drinking problems ?
And be realistic, too. When you say you refuse to let go of your lover --- this guy has never said he loves you --- how sure can you be that he won't let go of you, sooner or later ? Would he want to continue seeing you after you got divorced ? Some people like an affair with someone who is married, feeling protected from expectations of marriage just because the person is already married.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ja | 2009-05-21

Your lover must really love you to share you with another man! WOW! I know i wouldn' t want to share MY woman, how does he do that?

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Jez | 2009-05-21

Is your lover also married. You know this is a tough one. I cant give you advice but I can tell you that an affair can be a bad thing BUT so can a damaged marriage. The thing is would your lover " accept"  you when you are divorced? there are feelings from your lovers side but have you ever thought that this could maybe be because of the " excitement" ? I just fear that you are so hurt by hubby that maybe you are not thinking rationally. I dont know what you have been through in your marriage and I can gather it was not easy as it takes so much for a woman to have an affair. Maybe a seperation for a while? Kids oh man one spends so much time protecting them that you tend to forget about yourself. It would be tough on the kid but you know life is tough. Just try to move away from the " bad"  surroundings and take time to think. Does lover know about the problems in your marriage? Good luck hey!!!

Reply to Jez

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