Our expert says:
So sorry to hear about all this loss and sorrow. Its a pity that people, however desperate they may be when they decide to commit suicide, don't recognize the suffering they will cause to others who cared about them.
There's nothing wrong with you. A typical and common reaction to the death of a loved one, especially when sudden, unexpected and shocking, is a form of denail in which one feels very little for a time. Generally, the felings return later, perhaps after some other far lesser loss.
While its understandable that well-meaning people may try to sheild you from unpleasant aspects of a tragic event like that, as you have found, one's imagination tends to fill the void, and what one imagines may be even worse than what was actually there. Seeing a grief counsellor may indeed help --- and maybe your local hospice could recommend someone with experience in this field.
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