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Question
Posted by: sandy | 2009/01/20

confused

I am confused. My boyfriend of 6 years does not believe in marriage. We are both divorcees in our fifties. I want to do the right thing ( I suppose society dictates here). He says as we do not want children why get married. We should live together. I believe when two people love each other the next step would be marriage. Am I wrong in thinking like this.

He treats me very well.....so much respect, love and kindness.
What is the right thing?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think it's OK for an adult to decide that he does not believe in the Easter Bunny, or in Santa Clause, but I'm much less sure about "not believing in marriage". Presumably he means HE doesn't see any value in getting married, and is satisfied with the arrangement as it is. But does it suit you ? Does he see DIASadvantages so large that he would refuse marriage if it happened to make you happy ? Or is he working on the assumption that non-marriage is easier to get out of without complications ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sandy | 2009/01/27

Dear Cybershrink,
No it does not suit me not to be married, one for religious believes, two, I still believe in marriage if two people love each other dearly and want to be together, share things, be committed. As you say, working on the assumption that non-marriage is easier to get out.....this is our second time round, surely one will work harder to make this commitment a success...thats if he cares so much about the relationship. Seems this relationship is based on having fun, getting along, sharing the same interest..having good sex, no commitment..he must be thinking '  why spoil this arrangement'  .........its going so well!! I my question is, what about me....does he not care what I think...what I want..or is it all about him!

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