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Question
Posted by: cutie zn | 2008/10/08

CONFUSED

I' m a 25 yrd old lady who' s single at the moment.I separated with my boyfriend last year in July bt decided to be friends after the relationship.Our friendship is actually fake because we do still have feelings for each other it' s just that I don' t want to continue a relationship with him cos he has already moved on with his life.While we were still together I got pregnant and didn' t tell him but instead I terminated the pregnacy,But now I need closure with myself and I want to tell him what I did so that I won' t have to think about this thing ever again.Will I be doing the right thing if I tell him because now I want him out of my life for good because he always comes to my house and tell me that it' s hard for him to just forget about me and we' ll end up kissing and embracing each other and I don' t want that to happen anymore because I can see that he' s just using me to satisfy his feelings so do you think by telling him what I did a year ago would chase him away coz really now I don' t want anything to do with this guy.PLS HELP

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sounds like a relationship filled with deceit and secrets. To have not informed him you were pregnant by him, and to have aborted his child without his knowledge, was an awful thing to do. DOn't tell him solely so as to now belatedly ease your conscience ( which would be to continue to be selfish ) , but only if there is some way in which this would benefit him. It would probably only bring him unnecessary grief to do so. And it wouldn't be likely to help you stop thinking about what you did. And it would make it even harder for him to forget about you. If you don't want to continue the relationship, why do you allow him into your house, and then kiss and hug him ?
How can you accuse him of "just using you to satisfy his feelings" --- isn't that exactly what you have done to him, and what you are still doing to him ? And then precisely what you would be doing to him yet again if you were to tell him about the abortion ?
You seem to see yourself as blameless, despite your actions, and seem to blame him, though its not easy to see why, other than that it is convenient for you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mary | 2008/10/08

I don' t think you should tell him. What good would it do. Do you really want him to carry this burden as well? You say you want to tell him so that you won' t have to think about this thing ever again. What makes you think telling him will stop you thinking about it? If you want him out of your life just tell him that.

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