Posted by: Heart Broken | 2009-07-17

Confronting the Other Guy

Hi CS, well I' ve had an entire week to ponder on all the advice I' ve received. My wife and I haven' t spoken for days now and I don' t know whta' s going on. The last time we spoke she seemed reluctant about ending her relationship with the other man, the thing is, he says he' s happily married and wouldn' t leave his wife (I therefore asume he has similar feelings for my wife). I wish I had his wifes contact details, but don' t.
I still need to know if I must contact with this other man and tell him to back off? I' ve invested too much time and effort into our relationship to just leave, we' ve overcome so many obstacles together and I want to try and make it work for my kids sake, we should be able to survive this.
I know that there has been nothing physical between them as she works for her Dad, and this guys offices are too far away to make a lunch time meet possible (and she travels with her dad to work). I would be interested to see the consequences of contacting him, because as far as my wife and him are concerned I don' t know who he is. Won' t he be surprised to get a call from me. Should I?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course ther's no "must" about contacting the other guy's wife, or not doing so. There are no regulations about this sort of thing. The issue is whether any such response would be useful or not. Again, have you considered the value of marriage counselling with your wife ? And apart from some knowledge of what your wife has said, do you know whether her interest in him is largely fictional or fact, whether he knows of her interest and participates, even reciprocates, or whether he would be surprised to head she has such feelings ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Jason | 2009-07-17

Heart broken,

I hear you man.

Since you say you have nothing to lose, it seems as if you' re prepared for any outcome.

I say confront the guy, but don' t do anything illegal. Keep you side clean. You don' t want to lose access to your kid(s) if you found guilty of assault. Just let the guy know that you know who he is.

You' ll get one of two reactions.

Either your wife will be mad at you and probably want to leave - in which case I say let her go.

Or she' ll feel really bad about what has happened and want to try again.

No-one should have to put up with this kind of **** treatment.

You deserve better.

Reply to Jason
Posted by: Jason | 2009-07-17


This is legally known as desertion and is grounds for a quick divorce. Trust me - been there, done that. If you move out you' ll stand to lose everything in the house. What happens if your wife decides to change the locks?

If anyone should move out, it should bbe your wife. In fact, tell her to go and live with her " boyfriend"  and see what the reaction is.

Just stay put!

Reply to Jason
Posted by: Heart Broken | 2009-07-17

Hi All,
I' ve told her I' m moving out. I' m not taking it anymore.
And to be honest I don' t care whether they carry on with their relationship, it' s not my problem anymore. Not worth the effort.
I' m just so incredibly sad about my kids.

Reply to Heart Broken
Posted by: Me | 2009-07-17

You know what, it sort of gave the power back to my husband. and to honest the other proved to be such a coward, my husband wanted to meet him, MAN TO MAN...but he said he cant...
You really have nothing to loose. I think your wife needs to re-commit to your marriage. Its going to be hard to trust her again but if you think its worth it then it will be a long but difficult road.

hang in there....

Reply to Me
Posted by: Ja | 2009-07-17

Now that i experienced flash-backs of my previous marriage i would - Smack him and leave my wife! How do you play second fiddle!?

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Ja | 2009-07-17

Heart Broken - do what you have to do! I' d tell him to back-off. My wife knows me that way. I face confrontation head-on and with quite a bit of force. He would be lucky not to get a smack.

You might be different and your wife might just get scared of this hard-ass attitude. I just think the other guy should know he' s messing with someone elses lives - an entire family!

BTW - I just cant understand how a relationship can get this far over the phone?

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Heart Broken | 2009-07-17

Hi " Me" ,

Do you think that your husband contacting the other guy provide helpfull, and the right thing to do? The way I see it I really have nothing to lose, only to get my family back.
What do you think? It' s nice to hear it from the other side.

Reply to Heart Broken
Posted by: Me | 2009-07-17

Hi there

I really feel for you. This happened to my husband last Nov where he caught me having an affair with this guy I work with. It was nothing physical but we were sort off sending sexy sms' s to each other. This really hurt my hubby. My husband confronted this guy and told him to back off and leave us alone. I think you have a right to do so.
Whats concerning to me is the attitude of your wife. She should be feeling remorseful and want to make things work with you, thats what I felt like.
Hubby and I went for councelling and that really helped and now I think we have a much better relationship.
All the best to you. I hope it works out.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Jemmy | 2009-07-17

If you decide to contact/confront him then be prepared to suffer the ready for his reaction. I know it is hard for seems as if the roles has been reversed...I always hear about women wanting to meet the other women...but now its a man wanting to confront another man...I can imagine how you must feel...your wife is/isn' t screwing around...a lot of things going through your head...

Just remember the say" A WOMEN CAN MAKE OR BREAK YOU"  but I believe it depends on you and how you react to the situation. I can say be strong and courages...but how can you be strong and ourages not knowing whether your " OTHER HALF"  is seeing her " OTHER HALF" ...

I wouldn' t stay with a women who choses to be with some1 else over would tear me to pieces not knowing...but all I can say is if you decide to prepared...if you decide to confront the other prepared.....

all my prayers to you my strong you' ll make it...

Reply to Jemmy

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