Posted by: Sick and Tired | 2013-01-22

Conflict Management

Hi CS....please can you suggest a book I can buy for someone who cannot handle any type of conflict, who grew up in a family where they avoid conflict. He won''t even ask after things in his own family because just now it causes something he might be confronted with to handle.

He gives you the silent treatment, if you try to have a discussion he will chose a spot on the wall and ignore your existence. His father owes him money, co-workers owe him money. He can''t say no, he can''t argue his case. This is a man of 50 and its just getting worse.

We never resolve anything as long as I go on afterwards like nothing happened be will become " good"  again the moment I confront him about anything he ignores me for up to a month.

I have tried every method possible but I just get the same reaction. Once about 6 years ago I slapped him and he beat the shit out of me. Never again did I dare.

Please help me. Where do I start.

ps. We did go to a shrink once however after 3 sessions we did not go back as the shrink he chose " always takes your side''.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No book could possibly help such a person ( or someone in any other similar situations ) UNLESS they fully admit and sincerely acknowledge that they have a problem, that this is the sort of problem, and they genuinely want help and want to change. The older one gets, the harder it becomes to change,. and at 50, it would be much more difficult anyway.
If he can ignore you, he can ignore any book even more easily. Could he be persuaded to join you in fresh couples counselling, and if he did, encourage him to oice in the sessions his concerns that the shrink might be taking your side rather than his

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sick and Tired | 2013-01-22

That book is more for boundaries with kids. Did not help in this case.
Thanks anyway

Reply to Sick and Tired
Posted by: Maria | 2013-01-22

Unless he acknowledges that there is a problem and WANTS to change, no book is going to help.

Boundaries by Anne Katherine is a useful book to teach one how to create and maintain healthy boundaries with others in an assertive, non-aggressive manner.

Reply to Maria

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