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Question
Posted by: mizuno | 2009-12-08

condoms and erectin

Hi Guys
I am involved with a lady 29 and i am 37, she has a kid from previous relationship and i have two from previuso marriage. When we met we did go for tests (HIV) etc and we are loyal and commited to each other. We spend a lot of time together and the sex is great. yesterday we decided to try a condom for contraception since we decided we not ready for another baby, we had foreplay and i was rock hard and she was also very hot. When i put the thing on i just went soft, we tried again and it also happened. i just want to know what causes this because without it nothing goes wrong.

I wondered as to how many guys experience this because it can be a reason for unprotected sex in most risky situations. Does anyone ever experienced this and how was it sorted out. i did use it in the past with success in risky situations but now why is this happening ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is actually quite a common problem and unfortunately one which often leads to men stopping using the condom and having unprotected sex. There are a number of possible reasons (and solutions) for this:
(1) you are getting distracted by stopping to put the condom on and so your arousal diminishes. This is okay - your lady could put your condom on for you whilst you focus on other arousing things (eg. the feel of her hands, kissing her, etc). Your erection can return if you just relax and focus on pleasurable sensations (if you are worrying about the loss of your erection, you are breaking the sexual response cycle and it is less likely to work!)
(2) You are putting the condom on either too early or too late in the lead up to penetrative sex. As with no (1), you are distracted and arousal diminishes. Either way, continue to enjoy other sexual stimulation and intimacy to allow your arousal to return. You may find that using a lubricant (compatible with the latex in the condom - e.g. water-based lube) can enhance the sensation leading to greater arousal. Try putting the condom on after some foreplay so that you are very aroused and then return to foreplay to return to your previous levels of arousal before moving on to penetrative sex.
(3) You may not be used to the sensations of sex with a condom on. Whilst you were okay in previous situations, the risk element may have been the most exciting part and a distraction from the physical sensations. Now that you are able to relax and enjoy the lovemaking, you may be aware of a 'numbing'/slight dulling of sensation. Don't be disheartened; stick with it and just pay more attention to the sensations of pleasure (ask her to explore other things that are arousing too - not just friction on the penis ...e.g. kissing, massaging your testicles, nibbling your nipples, etc).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: H | 2009-12-11

get a stiffer shaft on that Mizuno!

Yokes aside  tis normal and horrible to use.

Reply to H
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009-12-08

It is actually quite a common problem and unfortunately one which often leads to men stopping using the condom and having unprotected sex. There are a number of possible reasons (and solutions) for this:
(1) you are getting distracted by stopping to put the condom on and so your arousal diminishes. This is okay - your lady could put your condom on for you whilst you focus on other arousing things (eg. the feel of her hands, kissing her, etc). Your erection can return if you just relax and focus on pleasurable sensations (if you are worrying about the loss of your erection, you are breaking the sexual response cycle and it is less likely to work!)
(2) You are putting the condom on either too early or too late in the lead up to penetrative sex. As with no (1), you are distracted and arousal diminishes. Either way, continue to enjoy other sexual stimulation and intimacy to allow your arousal to return. You may find that using a lubricant (compatible with the latex in the condom - e.g. water-based lube) can enhance the sensation leading to greater arousal. Try putting the condom on after some foreplay so that you are very aroused and then return to foreplay to return to your previous levels of arousal before moving on to penetrative sex.
(3) You may not be used to the sensations of sex with a condom on. Whilst you were okay in previous situations, the risk element may have been the most exciting part and a distraction from the physical sensations. Now that you are able to relax and enjoy the lovemaking, you may be aware of a 'numbing'/slight dulling of sensation. Don't be disheartened; stick with it and just pay more attention to the sensations of pleasure (ask her to explore other things that are arousing too - not just friction on the penis ...e.g. kissing, massaging your testicles, nibbling your nipples, etc).

Reply to Sexologist

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