Our expert says:
It is actually quite a common problem and unfortunately one which often leads to men stopping using the condom and having unprotected sex. There are a number of possible reasons (and solutions) for this:
(1) you are getting distracted by stopping to put the condom on and so your arousal diminishes. This is okay - your lady could put your condom on for you whilst you focus on other arousing things (eg. the feel of her hands, kissing her, etc). Your erection can return if you just relax and focus on pleasurable sensations (if you are worrying about the loss of your erection, you are breaking the sexual response cycle and it is less likely to work!)
(2) You are putting the condom on either too early or too late in the lead up to penetrative sex. As with no (1), you are distracted and arousal diminishes. Either way, continue to enjoy other sexual stimulation and intimacy to allow your arousal to return. You may find that using a lubricant (compatible with the latex in the condom - e.g. water-based lube) can enhance the sensation leading to greater arousal. Try putting the condom on after some foreplay so that you are very aroused and then return to foreplay to return to your previous levels of arousal before moving on to penetrative sex.
(3) You may not be used to the sensations of sex with a condom on. Whilst you were okay in previous situations, the risk element may have been the most exciting part and a distraction from the physical sensations. Now that you are able to relax and enjoy the lovemaking, you may be aware of a 'numbing'/slight dulling of sensation. Don't be disheartened; stick with it and just pay more attention to the sensations of pleasure (ask her to explore other things that are arousing too - not just friction on the penis ...e.g. kissing, massaging your testicles, nibbling your nipples, etc).
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