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Question
Posted by: Alex | 2012/08/06

Condom issues.

I am in a new relationship with a lovely girl. Both of us have been single for a few years, we are both triathletes and both very fit.

Our present method of birth control is using condoms. My problem is that I am finding it impossible to maintain an erection when using them. I initially thought that I had some form of erectile dysfunction, but I get very easily aroused during foreplay. When I stop to put on a condom, everything stops! It is really terrible!!

We have tried various types of condoms and lubrication but nothing has worked. Before we met, I used to masturbate and had no problem with this whatsoever. I have subsequently tried privately masturbating using a condom to try to get used to them without any pressure, but I cannot manage that either. Yet I manage to masturbate just fine without them. I can only assume that I have some kind of mental or physical issue with these things.

Is this a common problem? We are investigating other forms of contraception (including vasectomy), but in the meantime condoms would be an easy solution if I could only manage to use them!

Should I just keep trying?

Please Help!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is actually quite a common problem and unfortunately one which often leads to men stopping using the condom and having unprotected sex. There are a number of possible reasons (and solutions) for this:
(1) you are getting distracted by stopping to put the condom on and so your arousal diminishes. This is okay - your partner could put your condom on for you whilst you focus on other arousing things (eg. the feel of her hands, kissing her, etc). Your erection can return if you just relax and focus on pleasurable sensations (if you are worrying about the loss of your erection, you are breaking the sexual response cycle and it is less likely to work!)
(2) You are putting the condom on either too early or too late in the lead up to penetrative sex. As with no (1), you are distracted and arousal diminishes. Either way, continue to enjoy other sexual stimulation and intimacy to allow your arousal to return. You may find that using a lubricant (compatible with the latex in the condom - e.g. water-based lube) can enhance the sensation leading to greater arousal. Try putting the condom on after some foreplay so that you are very aroused and then return to foreplay to return to your previous levels of arousal before moving on to penetrative sex.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Alex | 2012/08/07

Lady bug: We are both in our mid 40''s and she has a daughter from a previous marriage. Neither of us have any desire for children at this age.

Tanya: STD''s are not a concern. Neither of us have been in a relationship for a few years and were in stable relationships before that. We are both regular blood donors and also have had recent blood tests for Vitality points. We discussed this all openly before having sex.

Reply to Alex
Posted by: Tanya | 2012/08/07

I hope this sensible man is using condoms as prevention against STD''s and not just contraception. Experts advise is brilliant Alex - dont give up trying, it will come right.

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: Lady bug | 2012/08/07

Hi Alex,

I am so sorry to hear about your problem. If I may ask, how old are you? It is a bit hectic to consider a vasectomy, don''t you think? or do you have kids already and are you older?

Reply to Lady bug
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/08/07

It is actually quite a common problem and unfortunately one which often leads to men stopping using the condom and having unprotected sex. There are a number of possible reasons (and solutions) for this:
(1) you are getting distracted by stopping to put the condom on and so your arousal diminishes. This is okay - your partner could put your condom on for you whilst you focus on other arousing things (eg. the feel of her hands, kissing her, etc). Your erection can return if you just relax and focus on pleasurable sensations (if you are worrying about the loss of your erection, you are breaking the sexual response cycle and it is less likely to work!)
(2) You are putting the condom on either too early or too late in the lead up to penetrative sex. As with no (1), you are distracted and arousal diminishes. Either way, continue to enjoy other sexual stimulation and intimacy to allow your arousal to return. You may find that using a lubricant (compatible with the latex in the condom - e.g. water-based lube) can enhance the sensation leading to greater arousal. Try putting the condom on after some foreplay so that you are very aroused and then return to foreplay to return to your previous levels of arousal before moving on to penetrative sex.

Reply to sexologist

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