Posted by: Helpless | 2009-04-22

Concerned for grandchildren

Doc, sorry my msg is really gone but I need an answer, please. So here' s my question again. How do I go about dealing with my daughter who has no patience with her 4 year old daughter. Her and her husband' s fights, though not as often any longer, give the kids an unstable life.

Her house is like a showcase. Her husband feels uncomfortable sometimes because she does not want things to be out of place. Her daughter is afraid to play with toys as she gets scolded if things are lying around. This is not a normal set up. I have spoken to my daughter who claims that the child does play with the toys. I rather allow her to mess up my place than being scolded all the time.

My daughter hated her father because of his anger as he used to shout or get angry at her sometimes. She is just much worse with her daughter than he was.

We take the 4 year old with us wherever we go to prevent her from being shouted at and she is fairly well behaved with us. We put our lives, which should be stress-free right now, on hold because of these little ones. What do we do? I cannot see them go through bad times and I am not around to "  rescue"  them. Please help. Thanks.

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Our expert says:
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Here is the reply I have spent 15 minutes hunting for, which was posted on April 20. :
Can you persuade them that this is bad for the children, and not good for either of them, and further persuade them to seek help, with marriage counselling ( eg through FAMSA ) and maybe also individual counselling ? Maybe a hint that she may be, unaware, behaving in the way her father did, and which she as a child hated. might persuade her to deal with this with proper help ? Surely they would prefer to handle their anger better, and not to involve the children in their squabbles ? "
Get a good legal opinion as to what your rights are, and consult Child Welfare as well.

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