Our expert says:
Shame, T, you sound a bit out of your depth --- try also posting this message on the parenting forum to get responses from more other parents. You sound like a single parent, as apparently there's no spouse to help deal with the problems ? Either way, set up simple, fair and basic rules for behaviour at home ( and at school ) with a chart where they earn a star for every day they keep the rules, and lose one for the days when they dotn't 10 stars earns a reward they want. really bad days earn a demerit and time out.
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