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Posted by: Concerned | 2011/06/29

Concerned!!!

Hi Doc

I have a concern, My boyfriend and I lives in 2 different towns, he is very jealous I think? I’ m not allowed to visit my brother or sisters without him, I’ m not allowed to go out with my friends, and if, I’ m only allowed to go to one place, I have a time to be back at home. If I visit my sister, he calls or SMS constantly to find out where I am, what we are doing. If my sister decides to go out for the night, he gets mad en said that I can ask them to rather spend the night home etc. His reason for this behaviour is that he don’ t put our relationship in danger by going out, because anything can happened and he said that I don’ t take his feelings into consideration. He wants me to wait until we are together and then go out together! Is this ok?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Long-distance relationships between people who are geographically separated are always even more difficult that relationships where you live close to each other and can meet frequently. And there is more room for suspicion. But he sounds vastly over-controlling. Its not his right to tell you what to do, or to forbid you to visit family and friends - that is intolerable, and only likely to get worse. If he can't trust you without all these excessive precautions, then he isn't ready for an adult relationship.
And to say that HE doesn't go out, so you shouldn't, is absurd. He sounds ominously needy and high-maintenance and insecure, and highly unlikely to have a free and happy relationship with anyone until he sees a shrink and deals with his own large problems. YOu'd do best to find a safe and cautious way to end this relationship, and be cautious as such excessively jealous and insecure people can be troublesome or even violent when a relationship ends.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2011/06/29

He sounds like a real weirdo. Why would you wish to continue a relationship with someone like that ? Decidedly not well adjusted for sure. Just imagine what hell your life would be once you are married. Get going girl !

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Anon | 2011/06/29

my advise... run away from this man!
i was in a relationship with an obsessively jealous man and it almost ruined my life.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anne | 2011/06/29

Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. He sounds pathetically needy, or maybe he is up to something that you need to know about. As they say the accuser is usually the one standing behind the door.

Why would he see visiting your sister as putting your relationship in jeopardy?

This does not seem right to me, and, if he is this clingy now, Heavens help you if it gets more serious. He is going to make your life a living hell.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/29

Long-distance relationships between people who are geographically separated are always even more difficult that relationships where you live close to each other and can meet frequently. And there is more room for suspicion. But he sounds vastly over-controlling. Its not his right to tell you what to do, or to forbid you to visit family and friends - that is intolerable, and only likely to get worse. If he can't trust you without all these excessive precautions, then he isn't ready for an adult relationship.
And to say that HE doesn't go out, so you shouldn't, is absurd. He sounds ominously needy and high-maintenance and insecure, and highly unlikely to have a free and happy relationship with anyone until he sees a shrink and deals with his own large problems. YOu'd do best to find a safe and cautious way to end this relationship, and be cautious as such excessively jealous and insecure people can be troublesome or even violent when a relationship ends.

Reply to cybershrink

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