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Posted by: granny | 2010/01/22

concerned

I discovered that my 15y old grand daughter was sexuall active with a friend’  s brother (19). it was a big shock because she never slept over anywhere. We decided to give the relationship (the first) a change, spoke frankly to them about the birds and the bees, but they dissapointed us. Emotionally she is far behind girls of her age and because of her personality she is not very popular although she is a beautifull girl. but her head is full of boys. Maybe she did it to be accepted, I don’  t know. her friends are no virgins, or so they said to her. she always attracks the wrong friends. I’  m worried, must I give her the pill to pretect her from herself, you think? it feels like giving her consent to do the wrong thing then.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The friend's brother should also be aware that sex with a partner who is under-age can be criminal, and could be charged as statutory rape ( as someone under-age is presmed in law not to be able to give valid consent ).
Sometimes a girl who is pretty and doesn't feel good at anything else, may turn to sex as a field where she can feel powerful or at least capable when she feels scorned and unappreciated in other ways.
I understand your concern about giving her the pill, but she is already doing "the wrong thing" without your permission, and running a significant risk of falling pregnant and having a baby while she is still not mature herself, which would be bad for her and for any baby of hers. Wouldn't it be safer, on the whole, for her to be on the pill ? I think ( not my field ) that she could probably get contraception from a state clinic anyway, without needing your consent, so why not rather discuss it and use the opportunity to help her understand more issues of responsibility. Counselling that could help her enhance her self-esteem and her sense of being good at anything else than just being the object for someone else's sexual activity, could also be useful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tee | 2010/01/23

It is very hard for teens to speak with their parents about sex. Sex is such a taboo subject. If parents spoke freely about sex and didn' t try to sugarcoat it us teens wouldn' t have problems with talking to our parents. Instead, our parents are making it hard to open up to them by assuming and judging. I am now 19 but I lost my virginity when I was 14. My parents still don' t know that I' m not a virgin. It' s just not something we talk about. It does suck not to be able to speak openly with my parents but they don' t/didn' t make it any easier. Please, don' t make that mistake

Reply to Tee
Posted by: woman | 2010/01/23

Off course you should give her the pill. You should also leave a generous amount of condoms in bathroom. You know she had sex, this will not stop. If you show her that it scares you or angers you or dissapoints you, she will flaunt it. If you deal with it maturely, and refuse to rise to her bait, she will become more adult about it. Do not expect that she will have sex with each guy she meets (trust in the foundation you laid for her before her teenage years)

Let me tell you something, I always listen to my god children, nieces, nephews with openness because I am closer to their age than their parents ( not that it says much), but kids are having sex earlier! Smart parents know this, most don' t. Another friend of mine tried her best not to faint when her (at the time) 14 year old daughter' s friends were comparing orgasms - did their parents know? no. Good kids from good homes too.

Rather choose to have an open, trusting relationship with your teen, esp. regarding sex. pregnancy is a reality, AIDS is a reality, so are all the other evil bugs in between. She just wants to know that you love her anyway.

Reply to woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/23

The friend's brother should also be aware that sex with a partner who is under-age can be criminal, and could be charged as statutory rape ( as someone under-age is presmed in law not to be able to give valid consent ).
Sometimes a girl who is pretty and doesn't feel good at anything else, may turn to sex as a field where she can feel powerful or at least capable when she feels scorned and unappreciated in other ways.
I understand your concern about giving her the pill, but she is already doing "the wrong thing" without your permission, and running a significant risk of falling pregnant and having a baby while she is still not mature herself, which would be bad for her and for any baby of hers. Wouldn't it be safer, on the whole, for her to be on the pill ? I think ( not my field ) that she could probably get contraception from a state clinic anyway, without needing your consent, so why not rather discuss it and use the opportunity to help her understand more issues of responsibility. Counselling that could help her enhance her self-esteem and her sense of being good at anything else than just being the object for someone else's sexual activity, could also be useful

Reply to cybershrink

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