Posted by: Pushy | 2009-07-09


I' ve been married with my hubby for 4yrs, I have a 5yrs old son with him, pregnant again with another boy. We had ups and downs ever since we got married. I' m earning more than he does and he does his bit of responsibilities with what he gets home with. He drinks a lot and goes out every weekend, ooh, unless we had an argument/fight. He cheats, misbehave and very spoilt. He doesn' t know the difference between a single and married person. I don' t even know how did I get pregnant again. I miscarried in Feb and I caught him cheating just after the miscarriage. I don' t have a life of my own +most of the time I am depressed. I don' t see our future anymore. He can' t let go of liquor and his friends. He can prioritise in life and he wants to satisfy everyone around him even if it means I will sleep alone the whole weekend. I don' t enjoy him in bed as it has become a routine. I know I want out as I have been telling him but he doesn' t take me seriously. Everytime I save money, something comes up i.e. funeral from his side of the family and my side. Bear in mind then he can' t afford to contribute, so I have to pay the bill. I want him to be on his own, to see the world with his own naked eyes. I am always backing him up. He needs to grow up alot. He is 32 yrs and I' m 29 and I feel like I' ve missed out a lot in life. I REALLY NEED HELP !!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi Concerned,

I am concerned too.
You are a young woman with two children and a list of clear statements of what you see your husband CAN'T do. You are able to mention also what he needs. I would like to ask you, what is it that YOU need and want?
Relationships are organic. They evolve and so do the people within the relationship. Sometimes people change together in the same direction and other times people change in opposing directions. It sounds like your husband and yourself are drifting in different directions. In order for you to see clarity, you need to look towards the directions in which you are growing, not your husband's direction. What do you see? How is your life looking differently from what it is now? What will it take in order for you to make this happen?

I trust these questions will bring you some answers.

With Love and Gratitude

SADSA | The South African Divorce Support Association

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