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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2012/03/15

Concern - Work/Disability/Dismissal

Hi CS,
I am a nervous wreck and am very worried about my future. I was off a lot over the past two years due to various illnesses, I also had a hysterectomy and problems staying awake and they found out I have sleep apnea. I have the machine to help me breathe during my sleep now but I am still exhausted.
My work has asked me to apply for disability and basically are not giving me a choice. The HR representative also stated that no matter the outcome I will be dismissed. The other meeting attendance, well 2 of them don''t think that is what he meant, they say that if I am off excessively in this period then I will be dismissed. I don''t know who to believe but feel threatened.
I don''t think I will succeed to get disability because I can perform any job I am given without any problems and I learn fast, but I can''t sit without a job, especially since I want my children to come home.
I feel so lost at the moment and when one of my colleagues asked what would I do if I lost my job I said I would drive my car over a cliff but it will be an accident.
I am so tired and the added stress is not helping. The fiance is also not really making things easier, he told me that I am 95% to blame for his problems with his business, however I disagree, he made mistakes and he can''t use me as his scapegoat. He often tells his clients that I am very ill and that is why he can''t do certain things and soforth. I think that is very unfair.
I may also not have any male friends, not that I really have that many, just 2 that I have known for 12 years and more and we are nothing but friends. I have not had contact with either of them for months now, but he doesn''t believe me.
We went to the rugby match on Saturday, a friend from work gave me tickets and we were in a " losie" , it was my first time at a live game and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We were speaking to some of the people and one specific guy said himself, his wife and us should get together sometime for a braai or something. The fiance walked away and then tells me I enjoy talking to men, me and my men. I don''t cheat and don''t believe in lying, honesty is the best policy.
I don''t know what to do, I can''t plan a wedding like this and don''t want to be at work with this thing hanging over my head. I am so tense I am scared I am going to have a breakdown and do something stupid.
Any advise.
Thank you
Regards
BT

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Erm. OK. Sounds like the Hr representative may not be very understanding or supportive, but maybe, through your burden of illnesses, the firm has indeed been put to strain and expense ?
Maybe going on disability, if this is a realistic option, could be helpful ? If your state of health, including the Bipolar problems, mean what, however capable you are when at work, you are absent for a considerable amount of time, isn't that potentially grounds for Disability boarding ?
I don't, however, see how your fiancee can use your illnesses as an excuse for the failure of HIS business, as you were not working in that business. He sounds unduly insecure. Proceeding towards a wedding doesn't sound like a great idea at present, or for the near future.
But DO see your own shrink(s) to discuss the situation in detail - they will also be able to comment on the Disability issue, and their opinions / reports could carry some weight there

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/16

Kelly u r so right.
l think her therapist has much to answer for, this woman never makes any progress.
How difficult is it to realise if you keep doing the same things you keep getting the same results?
l have even suggested she changes her user name to beyond help................

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/03/15

Why do you INSIST on still doing this? You have complained about your fiance in your past few posts yet you are STILL with him and STILL planning a wedding?????!!!!!! He is obviously immature and stupid and not mature enough to deal with his shortcomings, but you will just sit there and take it even though it is affecting your job??? He is costing you money and

Really now, you are LETTING yourself be walked over and LETTING yourself get into these situations.

Kick the dog out, sue him for your money and be over and done with.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/15

Erm. OK. Sounds like the Hr representative may not be very understanding or supportive, but maybe, through your burden of illnesses, the firm has indeed been put to strain and expense ?
Maybe going on disability, if this is a realistic option, could be helpful ? If your state of health, including the Bipolar problems, mean what, however capable you are when at work, you are absent for a considerable amount of time, isn't that potentially grounds for Disability boarding ?
I don't, however, see how your fiancee can use your illnesses as an excuse for the failure of HIS business, as you were not working in that business. He sounds unduly insecure. Proceeding towards a wedding doesn't sound like a great idea at present, or for the near future.
But DO see your own shrink(s) to discuss the situation in detail - they will also be able to comment on the Disability issue, and their opinions / reports could carry some weight there

Reply to cybershrink

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