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Question
Posted by: KEAMOGETSE | 2010/04/14

concern mother

Hi all,
I need advice, I''m single mother. My son is 12 years. I got involve with his father without him disclosing that he was married.I only found out later. Any way, he kept his distance from me when I was six months.After the birth of my son I told him and he promised to maintain. My son is growing up everyday and he need to be close to his father. He even ask about grannies and grandfather from his father side.How do handle this situation. I know where he stays , I dont want to take my child to him without his concern. I brought this to his attention and he said its not yet the time.Please advice I need to take this the legal way as this affect my son emotionally. I need my son to know his family as I believe he has the right even if he doesnt love him love like it''s ok, but he does nt have the right to deny him.Its unfair to my child not to have a chance to know his Grandmother or his grandfather.How to I approach this situation.My family want to step in to go to his house to discuss the matter. I want this to be between us.Please advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

See the folks at the Maintenance Court ( usually at your nearest magistrate's Court ) as this guy is surely liable to pay maintenance for your son, and should be man enough to make contact with the boy - for the child's sake. Maybe he's lying low to hide the fact of this affir from his wife ? After all, you know he lied to you.
"not yet time" is nonsense and no excuse whatever.
As qwerty says, legally he court can force him to pay maintenance for the child, and that should be done. It can't force him to spend time with the child, though it would not. I think, accept any attempt on his side to prevent the boy from contacting his grandparents, IF they were willing to see him ( I wonder whether they even know this grandson exists ? )
As qwerty also usefully says, there's no real advantage to your son in meeting a biological father who is a creep and who doesn't really want to know him.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2010/04/15

As your child''s fathers family clearly have no idea he has another son, I''m sure he''s very reluctant to have contact with your (and his) son.

Perhaps your son is old enough to hear that his father is married to someone else but that you didn''t know this at the time that you were in a relationship wtih him and only found out once you were already pregnant.

You can''t force him to see his son, as sad as that is, but you can ask him nicely if he would perhaps meet with him at least once and acknowledge him as a person.

If your family march up and demand he sees your child it is just going to make things worse as he will resent you and your son and be even less likely to ever be interested in contacting him.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/04/15

Legally, you can insist on maintenance from him, but you can''t force him to spend time with your son. If he doesn''t want to be involved with your son, there isn''t much you can do. I understand you want him to have a father figure in his life, but don''t you think it would hurt your son if he finally met his father, and his father didn''t actually want to spend time with him? And is this really the role model you want for your son? Someone who cheats on his wife, fathers children outside his marriage, and then neglects his responsibilities?

I think your son is much better off being taught the right thing by you, rather than being confused and possibly hurt by a stranger who has no interest in him.

I wish you all the best!!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/15

See the folks at the Maintenance Court ( usually at your nearest magistrate's Court ) as this guy is surely liable to pay maintenance for your son, and should be man enough to make contact with the boy - for the child's sake. Maybe he's lying low to hide the fact of this affir from his wife ? After all, you know he lied to you.
"not yet time" is nonsense and no excuse whatever.
As qwerty says, legally he court can force him to pay maintenance for the child, and that should be done. It can't force him to spend time with the child, though it would not. I think, accept any attempt on his side to prevent the boy from contacting his grandparents, IF they were willing to see him ( I wonder whether they even know this grandson exists ? )
As qwerty also usefully says, there's no real advantage to your son in meeting a biological father who is a creep and who doesn't really want to know him.

Reply to cybershrink

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