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Question
Posted by: Harriet | 2011/03/28

Compromise

I have been with my partner for over 4 years. We have recently moved in together. Understand that I have never rushed him and am still not doing that but we recently had a conversation about marriage and kids. He said that he has never wanted either but because I want marriage eventually he is willing to compromise on it and he will do it for me but he is more than happy just spending his life with me without marriage. He definately does not want kids so not giving him kids is basically " my end of the bargain" . My thing is just that when we spoke about this before I understood that he didnt want kids and I am ok with that but I just dont think that I can look at him on our wedding day and belive him when he says ''I Do''. Can this relationship last? We have quite a big age gap and we havent had the easiest relationship but we love one another very much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I suspect it's a rather common attitude among men that they don't dream of being married, the way many women do. And especially if they can get to live and love with a woman they care about - WITHOUT marrying, they see no benefit in marriage as such.
And some don't necessarily want kids - especially beyond a certain age. You mention an age difference, but not his actual age. At some ages you value your sleep more than the pleasures of having kids.
So maybe there's a need for a lot more calm discussion. You may not be singing from the same page, maybe not even from the same hymn book.
When he says "I do", what exactly is he planning to DO ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/28

Yes, if you want kinds..ever, Iit would probably be a good idea to not get married and carry on as is.
Clicks is correct. compromise and resentment ...very closely.
And believe me, like you feel ready now to get married, you WILL feel ready to have a little baby in the future.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Clicks | 2011/03/28

All I know is that a lasting relationship takes a whole lot more than love. I''m married to a man older than me . There''s a lot of love, but it doesn''t see is through all the time. He''s been where I still want to be, i.e. have kids, a home in both our names, a lot of this and that. We are just not in tune in terms of our life goals and needs, though we love each other, sometimes I feel that there really is a thin line between compromise and resentment.

Reply to Clicks
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/28

Will getting married make a huge difference to your relationship?
Is it necesasary to get married?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Honest | 2011/03/28

Question Can this relationship last.........
Quote- l just do not think that l can look at him on my wedding day and believe him when he says l do.
Answer Absolutely NO chance.

Quote - but we love each other very much
My Thought - he may love you but the first quote proves u do not love him!

Reply to Honest
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/28

I suspect it's a rather common attitude among men that they don't dream of being married, the way many women do. And especially if they can get to live and love with a woman they care about - WITHOUT marrying, they see no benefit in marriage as such.
And some don't necessarily want kids - especially beyond a certain age. You mention an age difference, but not his actual age. At some ages you value your sleep more than the pleasures of having kids.
So maybe there's a need for a lot more calm discussion. You may not be singing from the same page, maybe not even from the same hymn book.
When he says "I do", what exactly is he planning to DO ?

Reply to cybershrink

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