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Posted by: TheEndMyFriend | 2010-03-08

Completely Finished

I don''t even know why I am posting this. Some will say it is a call for help, others a cry for attention. I think I would just like to say something in a forum annonymously free from judgement and recrimination and be understood by others in the same boat.

I have suffered from depression most of my life - literally starting at the age of 8. I am now 32. Whilst in hindsight I feel I have had a pretty good life I am now in a pitch black place. I don''t find joy in anything anymore. I used to enjoy my four children and now I can''t even get myself to smile or talk to them. I am exhausted beyond comprehension. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I am tired of cooking, washing, cleaning, working, driving, thinking, deciding, breathing... Everything is just too much effort.

Things are just too much for me to cope with anymore. I am so very, very tired. The joy that was in my life has been sucked right out and given to someone else.

Not even the thought of leaving my children is enough anymore for me to stop thinking about suicide. I just don''t care anymore. I have nothing left inside emotionally, mentally or spiritually to care at all. I am on the edge of the cliff and I can''t wait for that big gust of wind to push me over.

Please God no more, I just can''t anymore. I am so tired.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Such an early start to a Depression is unusual, but certainly does happen, and deserves respect.
I hear your despair, but though I have quite often encountered similar levels of despair, I have rarely met anyone so despairing who could not be helped and who did not improve with proper treatment.
I understand the thought that one does not want to continue living LIKE THIS - but it's the LIKE THIS part one must and can change, not the living part of that equation.
YOu don't mention receiving any form of treatment for your depression. Presumably you have at some stage in this long experience of depression, but more important are you not under proper, expert treatment, right now ? This is beyond the capabilites of a GP, however kind - you need urgently to see a proper specialist psychiatrist and be very frank in telling him/her exactly how you feel. DO, please, get the help you so obiously deserve. It doesn't have to be like this. And do call and talk with the folks at Lifeline, too.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-03-09

Such an early start to a Depression is unusual, but certainly does happen, and deserves respect.
I hear your despair, but though I have quite often encountered similar levels of despair, I have rarely met anyone so despairing who could not be helped and who did not improve with proper treatment.
I understand the thought that one does not want to continue living LIKE THIS - but it's the LIKE THIS part one must and can change, not the living part of that equation.
YOu don't mention receiving any form of treatment for your depression. Presumably you have at some stage in this long experience of depression, but more important are you not under proper, expert treatment, right now ? This is beyond the capabilites of a GP, however kind - you need urgently to see a proper specialist psychiatrist and be very frank in telling him/her exactly how you feel. DO, please, get the help you so obiously deserve. It doesn't have to be like this. And do call and talk with the folks at Lifeline, too.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Lerry | 2010-03-08

Please do see a phychiatrist - it helped my mother 20 years ago when she felt like you. At least you know that you are not alone,a nd other have been where you are right now, and found a way to continue. Please do not give up. Call lifeline, anything, just don''t give in. I will be praying for you, whether you believe or not.

Reply to Lerry
Posted by: Woman | 2010-03-08

I have three kids, and I suffered from severe pre-and post natal depression. I know how you feel. I cannot put myself in your place, but would urge you, with all the empathy in my soul, to please contact your psychiatrist. Have yourself committed for a while. Just so you can sleep, and make sense out of life. Your meds probably stopped working. If you cannot afford to go private, go to your nearest public hospital. Your kids need you, even if you think they don''t. They need you to be well again. You also need it. And only a professional has the knowledge to help you. Do it today, don''t delay it, your children are suffering more than you are right now. Just think about that and you will find the strength.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: bells | 2010-03-08

I am the last person to give advice, but i would like to share something with you that might be the answer. Not too long ago I was feeling the same as you were and one night i was watching tv and it was this christian program that was on...now i am not going to preach to you but to sum it up, the message they tried getting accross was that your point in life was to find joy and the only way to find joy was to try to live in God''s image...it has helped me because it some how realesed me from carring about all the phisical stuff on this planet and once that happened it made me feel much better...something worth trying, just ask a pastor about it and see what he says.

Reply to bells

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