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Question
Posted by: hurt | 2010/11/19

commitment phobia in men

What causes a man to have a commitment phobia? The guy I dated for almost a year used to tell me how wonderful I am, even started hinting at marraige and our future. But now he left me saying that I am any man''s dream wife, and his brain says he should try harder, but that he knows our relationship shouldn''t go any further. Doesn''t he love me enough? Or is this really a psychological thing that he can''t get over? And how do I make sense of this for myself as I don''t understand and am hurting terribly.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not a real phobia, its selfishness, at heart - and especially seems to arise when a guy is already getting everything he wants without committing himself. With absolute certainty it IS something he CAN "get over" if he wants to and chooses to do so.
DOn't beg. You're worth more than that, flower. Begging scares them of, anyway. If a guy does not want you at all, or does not want you enough, you definitely do not need him, and need to work with a counsellor to stop wanting him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/20

Its not a real phobia, its selfishness, at heart - and especially seems to arise when a guy is already getting everything he wants without committing himself. With absolute certainty it IS something he CAN "get over" if he wants to and chooses to do so.
DOn't beg. You're worth more than that, flower. Begging scares them of, anyway. If a guy does not want you at all, or does not want you enough, you definitely do not need him, and need to work with a counsellor to stop wanting him.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Lee-lee | 2010/11/19

Hi there Hurt and Flower.... I am so sorry to hear. I''ve been there and feel your pain.

Who knows, hey? maybe he is just petrified of settling down. He knows that you are the best thing that has ever happended to him, but the fear of losing his " freedom"  is just too great. Not ready and mature enough to make a commitment.... afraid that he is gonna lose out on fun out there.

Hurt &  Flower:
How old are they, if I may ask?

Reply to Lee-lee
Posted by: Flower | 2010/11/19

I am going through the same thing right now, just beggeg him to take me back. I love this man with all my heart, pray that he will take me back. He says he still likes me, but he has also started moving on. I hate feeling like this. I want him back and he does nt want me. How do we deal with this.

Reply to Flower

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