Posted by: Nic | 2013-01-11

Comment: making the most of the life I didn''t choose

I''m a 37-year-old man who has been single all my life. I would love to be a husband and father and I often envy guys with beautiful wives and children. While I have many female friends, I''m not sexually attracted to women - which is obviously a problem for someone wanting his own family! As a result, I''m currently making sure that I have a good and filfiiling life as a single person. But should there ever be some sort of medication to change my orientation, I''ll be first to sign up.

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Our expert says:
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There's no medication for this. Quite a while back, psychiatry decided that homosexuality was not a disorder nor in need of treatment. For a while there was a diagnostic option oof recognizing dysphoric orientation, that is, someone who was gay but rejected this and was unhappy thus ( and presumably someone who was very unhappy about being straight ) but therapy would have ben psychotherapy to deal wioth the unhappiness and lack of acceptance of oneself, rather than trying to change orientation.
Recently there's been major ructions in the USA about serious and responsible attempts by proper expert and professional groups to get banned quack therapies offered mainly by extremist church groups, claiming to change sexual orientation, methods which have been shown to be unscientific, ineffective and seriously risky.
You are so right to aim at ensuring a good and fulfilling life as a single person.
Remain open to finding someone who will be a loved and loving life partner.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Graham | 2013-01-12

@Maria: I don''t think your surrogacy suggestion is such a good one. It''s %& \$&  expensive in South Africa and not as common as in the USA. Reading Nic''s comment, it doesn''t sound like he wants to go the Elton John route. I''m also gay and while I fully accept myself, jumping out of the closet is not so easy. We still live in a society wher people point when they see a gay couple walking together and, heaven forbid, holding hands. And if a person is still in the closet at age 37, there must be family issues. To hell with unconditional love: if we are close to our families, we sometimes would not risk rejection or a " stiff atmosphere"  over Christmas. The " problem"  is complex. Therapy is a great suggestion, but it remains a long and difficult road. Good luck to Nic. Wish I could meet him in person to chat.

Reply to Graham
Posted by: Nic | 2013-01-11

Thanks for the replies and the food for thought. It''s good to sometimes get the (objective) views of strangers.

Reply to Nic
Posted by: Maria | 2013-01-11

Hi Nic. I suggest you go for some psychotherapy to make peace with who you are. Gay men can have happy and fulfilling relationships and can also become parents through adoption or surrogacy. You don''t have to give up on your dream because you''re not heterosexual.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Deeve | 2013-01-11

Hi Nic, sorry but there is NO medication for this. There IS of course Therapy which you should seriously consider. There is nothing wrong in being Gay...and YES you were born this way. Stop looking for a cure or answers or anything else and get help to climb out the closet. Finding a soul mate, whether male or female is part of everyones dreams. Make it happen while you''re still young. Best of Luck from Another Gay Boy...

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Liza | 2013-01-11

Since you''re not attracted to women and you want to change your orientation, I''m guessing that you''re gay. So why are you so against it? Is it a religious thing? Do you think it makes you a bad person?

You''re going to have to learn to accept yourself. Because if you can''t accept yourself (and I mean ALL of yourself), you''ll never truly be happy. Not even if you were to get that perfect wife with children...

Good Luck,

Reply to Liza

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