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Question
Posted by: BB | 2011/03/08

Coming second

Hi

I have been married for 14 months now. And I always comes second in my husband''s life. His family is no 1!!!!! They can''t do anything wrong in his eyes. They can say whatever they want and if they want something he just jumps! His mom can be nasty to me and he will just tell me she didn''t mean it that way.

I tried talking to him and he just gets mad. I am 18 weeks pregnant now and I don''t want to be second best for the rest of my life. He doesn''t even consider our baby boy - just jumps for his family.

His parent doesn''t have a life of their own - they just invite themselves over all the time and visit all the time.

I honestly don''t know what to do. I just feel that nothing I do will ever be enough for him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Presumably this isn't something that has arisen anew, but maybe something you didn't notice before now, or something you thought was temporary or would be easy to change ?
Work hard and cleverly to persuade him to join you in urgent marriage counselling, even if he needs to think it is mainly to help you to adjust to the situation

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Nikky | 2011/03/08

Hi BB,

I had the same problem. My husband supported his family financially, whenever they needed a car, a house, renovations done, he was there with an open wallet. It took me 10 years to show him that they could all afford it on their own. We have 2 small children who need care and we need the money to pay for their hospital, medical, school fees and food. He finally realised this, especially when they phoned from their 3 week holiday in CT and said they needed money and we had not been on holiday for 4 years......

I think once the baby is born, he will realise that the baby is his flesh and blood and that he/she will also need attention.

I just withdrew totally. I used to organise birthday parties for them, meals at our house, but not anymore. The baby is yours and even though this sounds crazy, they will want to see the baby but will soon realise that they will have to behave to see their grandchild, after not seeing him/her for a while. They will realise that it is your baby and you will be in a position to control their visits.

Hope my 2 cents worth of advise can help you. Enjoy your pregnancy.

Reply to Nikky
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/08

Presumably this isn't something that has arisen anew, but maybe something you didn't notice before now, or something you thought was temporary or would be easy to change ?
Work hard and cleverly to persuade him to join you in urgent marriage counselling, even if he needs to think it is mainly to help you to adjust to the situation

Reply to cybershrink

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