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Question
Posted by: Anne | 2011/02/03

Coming out of the closet

A friend''s wife left him for another woman. They were married for 13 years, and now she does this. Thank the heavens that there were no children to be brought into this mess. He says, looking back at her history, she was probably gay all along. I just dont get it though. How could she pretend for so long that she was straight? She has left much mess and destruction behind her and a family in terrible turmoil.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its really not possible to second-guess such things from the outside. Who knows what is happening between the wife and this other woman, or whatever may or may not have happened in the wife's previous life. Maybe it's inifican that they had no children. But remember what is truly said about "the wisdom of hindsight" - when we look back over the years, once we know something has just happened, it is very easy for us to convince ourselves that we suspected it, or that there were clear signs that this was going to happen, even if there wasn't.
It sounds as though she may have been cruel to her husband, and may be being selfish in the way she is acting. And the Other Woman is similarly being uncaring just as she would be if someone's husband was having an affair with her
Even in a miserable mariage, for most of the reasons marriages can be miserable, the couple should at least try marriage counselling. Not only to see if the problems are fruitfully soluble, but if not, to at least part more amicably and understanding each other and themselves, better.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/03

Its really not possible to second-guess such things from the outside. Who knows what is happening between the wife and this other woman, or whatever may or may not have happened in the wife's previous life. Maybe it's inifican that they had no children. But remember what is truly said about "the wisdom of hindsight" - when we look back over the years, once we know something has just happened, it is very easy for us to convince ourselves that we suspected it, or that there were clear signs that this was going to happen, even if there wasn't.
It sounds as though she may have been cruel to her husband, and may be being selfish in the way she is acting. And the Other Woman is similarly being uncaring just as she would be if someone's husband was having an affair with her
Even in a miserable mariage, for most of the reasons marriages can be miserable, the couple should at least try marriage counselling. Not only to see if the problems are fruitfully soluble, but if not, to at least part more amicably and understanding each other and themselves, better.

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