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Question
Posted by: Cold | 2008/07/03

Cold man verses soft woman

I am amrried to a lovely woman. Problem is that I am quite a cold person. Don't like the touching, holding lots of kissing thing. She on the other hand wats to hug, kiss and say sweet things to me ALL the time. She expects me to be the same. And if I don't then she becomes unhappy and says that I don't love her. I hate it! Is there hope, I feel like running away?

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Our expert says:
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There is certainly hope, as apparently you do love each other, though differing in the way you show that love. Marriage counselling could help you each to learn appropriate translation and compromises. SOme of us were not cuddled much in childhood, and it just doesn't come naturally and spontaneously to us, but we can learn if we want to do so.

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Our users say:
Posted by: old but not yet cold | 2008/07/08

Story of my life as well. Been married for 25 years. Compromise is the key word and accepting the fact that you are loved, albe it in different ways. I want to give the touchy feely things and my husband is about action. I have learnt that by him keeping the garden neat or washing my car or bringing the occasional bunch of flowers he is showing me his love. I used to NEED to be told nice things and this created years of heartache and animosity between us. My husband was not in favour of couseling so I had to make a conscious decision to accep the fact that I am loved and cared for. He on the other hand has accepted that I have these needs and urges so when I want a hug I simply go and get one, or just plonk my body on his lap and kiss him even if there is not much response he at least lets me do this. Usually slaps me on my bum and shakes his head. But I am sure deep down he has accepted that this is how I show my love to him.

So maybe just once tell her that she is the only woman for you and that she needs to accept you for who you are and let her know that well if she wants to kiss and cuddle that she should come and "fetch" it from you. ha ha could be fun.

Good luck

Reply to old but not yet cold
Posted by: yada786 | 2008/07/07

Ya well my situation isn't gertting any better ...I don't even know whats gna happen next ....

Reply to yada786
Posted by: Cold | 2008/07/04

There has been times Yada786 that I show more emotion. Normally when she gives me a little more space and not smother me with emontional stuff. But I guess we need to compromise.

Reply to Cold
Posted by: yada786 | 2008/07/03

I know what you going through, i promise you.....I have the same problem ,my husband says the same thing...i know i am cold towards him but i just don't get any urges to say nice things to him.....i can shake hands with you as i feel like running away too...

Reply to yada786

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