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Question
Posted by: Nina | 2011/01/25

Clash Personalities for newlyweds

Am two weeks into my marriage, our personalities are just clashing everyday. We fight almost everyday, if its not money then is how we conduct ourselves around each other. He is a simple guy and I like living large, i dont want just to get by. When we got married, he had already built a house which to me needs alot of fixing and he is against that. I want a new a kitchen and he thinks his kitchen is ok, I want new floors and he thinks they are ok because he has spent a fortune on them, am just torn between, how can we work around this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How well did you know each other before you got married ? Its sounds as though you were strangers, and didn't discuss these important issues at all. Now, to some, it might sound as though you are very materialistic, and want to spend as much as possible, so this could indeed be upsetting for him if he'd prefer to be more cautious in spending, so as to save for the future. Marriage counselling would be a much wiser investment than new floors

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Our users say:
Posted by: LOL | 2011/01/26

Are you a Russian mail order bride?

Reply to LOL
Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/25

How is it that you never discussed these issues before you got married? it sound to me like you married for the sake of being married.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: June | 2011/01/25

Are you working and is the house in both your names or just his/ yours? If you aren''t working, you have no say and if the house is in his name, you have no say or get the house reregistered in both your names and spend your own money fixing it. I don''t know the extent of the damage to the house but I gather that it is fine, you just want it better. I''m sorry but there are MUCH more important things in life than fancy kitchens and living large and you perhaps need to look at where your priorities lie (do you want a ''trophy'' house and marriage or do you want a loving marriage?)

Reply to June
Posted by: Easy as 123 | 2011/01/25

Dating him and the engagement period should have been the time to discuss these issues. You saw the marital home before u wed so you cannot really expect great sympathy. This is not the normal top off the toothpaste and toilet seat left up issues of newly weds.Money issues should have been discussed deeply during your engagement. If only couples spent as much time sorting these things out as they do in choosing the wedding cake posts like this would almost disappear.This is not due to personality issues but a severe lack of planning.Why did you marry a simple guy if u are into status symbols?
However all that is left now is marriage coucelling or divorce.

Reply to Easy as 123
Posted by: XXX | 2011/01/25

Sounds like you should have discussed all these issues before you were married.
Now you had better go see a marriage counsellor to help you folks going forward.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/25

How well did you know each other before you got married ? Its sounds as though you were strangers, and didn't discuss these important issues at all. Now, to some, it might sound as though you are very materialistic, and want to spend as much as possible, so this could indeed be upsetting for him if he'd prefer to be more cautious in spending, so as to save for the future. Marriage counselling would be a much wiser investment than new floors

Reply to cybershrink

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