Our expert says:
This must be puzling and worrying for you. There are potentially many aspects to such situations. One is that contrary to popular belief, relatively few people are 100 % heterosexual or 100 % homosexual, but many are somewhere on a continuum between them. A surprisingly ( for most folks ) high proportion of people have some same-sex interests or even experiences at some time in their lives, even if not predominantly so for large parts of their lives. So it is possible that though you are predominantly heterosexual, and sincerely love your wife and children, you may be capable of homosexual arousal in some circumstances ( which doesn't mean one ought to act on such episodes of arousal, of course ). There can also be a sense in which an older person feels a strong sense of wistful admiration for the youthful attractiveness of a younger person, in a way that isn't entirely sexual, but includes envy and other emotions. You seem to be responding in part to his attractiveness to others, to the fact that others are turned on by him.
Clearly, for many good reasons, you cannot act on the attraction you feel --- you're an adult, he is not ; you're a teacher, he's a pupil ' and of course you are married and with children. I don't think that is what you are sasking, but rather what to do about these feelings. A simple part of the solution is to avoid these admiration situations --- do NOT shower with him or be around when he showers. Keep contact with him strictly within professional bounds --- and if there are other coaches, see if they can become more involved with his sports activities, and se if you can be less involved. Don't see him off the rugby field. Some attractive youngsters sense when adults fimnd them attractice, and may even learn to cultivate and use this, and this is not to be encouraged. And for yourself, consider seeing a counsllor or preferably a specialist psychologist --- not because there is something wrong with you, but because you need to responsibly explore, understand, and decide about how to respond to this new experience ; not to change your sexual orientation or cement you to the old one, but to understand, and make more informed choices about how to respond in a broader way to this.
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