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Question
Posted by: dw | 2012/06/13

choice of school led to my demise

When I was in high school my parents battled financially, my mom hardly had money to buy groceries and I overheard my parents fighting alot about money. They then asked my brother and I if we wanted to go do semi private schools for better education. My brother jumped at the opportunity to go to Parktown Boys however I said I would stay at the public school I was in as I didnt want to put extra financial pressure on my folks by going to St. Mary''s.
Over the weekend, my bf raised the topic and said that your success in life depends on the school you go to. He went to St. Andrews in Grahamstown which is one of the top boys schools in the country. He made me feel really hurt that I havent achieved what I could have because I didnt go to St. Mary''s. Since my childhood, money has always been a bone of contention in my life and I have made sure that I am financially sound. I have done everything on my own i.e. bought my own property and paid it off, my car is paid off, I put myself though university twice...I have never relied on my parents or on a man to support me and never will. I will not give that control away. But now I think about all the repercussions of not taking that opportunity to go to St. Mary''s - I dont talk well, my manners are not good, I dont stay in a posh area in Sandton and I havent achieved anything in the business world....I feel like an outcast who has achieved nothing because I didnt want to ruin my parents financially. Am I just feeling sorry for myself ???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe your bf received a good education, but he didn't, apparently, learn tact, good manners, or the ability to appreciate someone with an unselfish viewpoint in life. I'm sure a grweat many of those who went to St Mary's achieved nothing worthwhile in the rest of their lives. In my experience, for some folks whatever the achieve in a good high school is the high spot of their lives, and everything is downhill from there.
Your achievements, as you outline them are far more admirable and splendid for having been managed without an artificial boost bought by money.
So, you could talk better ( your message is excellently phrased ) and could have better social manners and etiquette ? Very easily learned. Frankly, your bf isn't much of a friend if he wants to make you feel guilty for having behaved so wel and achieved so much - he sounds like a snob ( something some of those schools teach very effectively ) and maybe he doesn't deserve you.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Old Etonian........... | 2012/06/17

He went to St Andrews and has the cheek to look down on others!
Its not like he went to Michael House or Bishops is it??????

Reply to Old Etonian...........
Posted by: Sandra | 2012/06/13

Hi

A friend of mine from a modest family got a bursary to go to a very fancy school, because she was bright. But the other kids looked down on her because of her background - and that did untold damage. The other kids were also rolling in money and she was not. So there is a different side to this story as well.

Reply to Sandra
Posted by: Liza | 2012/06/13

Your success in life definitely does not depend on which school you go to. The fact that the kids in these private schools seem to do better has actually got to do with all the opportunities they get because their parents have the money to give them a boost in life. If they had to go look for their own opportunities like you did - instead of having them fall in their laps, their success at life would probably be far less than yours! Be proud of the fact that you''re financially secure and don''t have to lean on anyone. Did any of these private school snobs get where they are completely on their own? I can practically guarantee that most of them got cars amongst other priviledges that made their success a lot easier than yours.

It''s also easy to get a cushy office job when your new boss went to the same private school and plays golf with your father in the old-boys network. People who haven''t worked their way up like you have, haven''t learnt the life lessons that you have. Without those life lessons, their apparent success can crumble very quickly when they make the wrong choices.

Ditch the snobby boyfriend. Anyone who puts you down for not attending an expensive school has their nose so high up in the air they should attach red lights to warn off low flying aircraft.

Just remember that true success is not about having the big mansion with the fancy car and lots of money to spend. It''s also not about trying to keep up with the Joneses by working your fingers to the bone. True success is more about being happy with what you''ve achieved and what you have. Don''t apologise for it. Be proud of it.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/13

Maybe your bf received a good education, but he didn't, apparently, learn tact, good manners, or the ability to appreciate someone with an unselfish viewpoint in life. I'm sure a grweat many of those who went to St Mary's achieved nothing worthwhile in the rest of their lives. In my experience, for some folks whatever the achieve in a good high school is the high spot of their lives, and everything is downhill from there.
Your achievements, as you outline them are far more admirable and splendid for having been managed without an artificial boost bought by money.
So, you could talk better ( your message is excellently phrased ) and could have better social manners and etiquette ? Very easily learned. Frankly, your bf isn't much of a friend if he wants to make you feel guilty for having behaved so wel and achieved so much - he sounds like a snob ( something some of those schools teach very effectively ) and maybe he doesn't deserve you.

Reply to cybershrink

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