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Question
Posted by: bheki | 2010/04/15

children

i would like to know what the impact on a 6 and 3 yr old would be if the parents separate with intention of divorcing most likely but the parents are not talking to each other. The kids at this young age can pick up i now but what is best for them for the two to pretend and smile or to just go on as normal which is hardly ever speaking to each other, no smiling etc only speaking when necessary, DONT get me wrong these two do not FIGHT in front of the kids but would like to know of the not talking like before when things were normal is going to affec t the kids. What can they do to minimise the pain for the kids!?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There is no general answer. Obvously if the divorce is hostile and ugly, and either or both parents act abusively in dragging the kids into the conflict and try to turn the kids against the other parent, it sould be damaging. But it isn't hard to manage a divorce so that it is not especially disturbing to the kids. And where the kids are exposed to domestic vioence or rages,or simply misery, etc., a divorce which protects them from such exposure could even be beneficial.
Not talking to each other is rather childish - on the other hand there's no need to pretend to be terribly jolly, either - simple calm politeness is best.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/16

There is no general answer. Obvously if the divorce is hostile and ugly, and either or both parents act abusively in dragging the kids into the conflict and try to turn the kids against the other parent, it sould be damaging. But it isn't hard to manage a divorce so that it is not especially disturbing to the kids. And where the kids are exposed to domestic vioence or rages,or simply misery, etc., a divorce which protects them from such exposure could even be beneficial.
Not talking to each other is rather childish - on the other hand there's no need to pretend to be terribly jolly, either - simple calm politeness is best.

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