Posted by: Mickey | 2009/05/10


Dear CS
I need your help i just dont know how to deal with this and my boyfriend is stubborn as hell,but recently weve had an argument about his kids,ive been in a reltionship with my boyfriend for 3 years now and eversince ive met him his been living with his kids one 15 and the other 11,th e problem is he says that im too harsh with them he says he agrees on some things and some he doesnt,for instance he tends to interject when im having conversations with hten or in a situation and always wants to come out as the good one in the eyes of his children,ive been in their lives for 3 years now,i feel disrespected by him when it comes to them and as a result i dont think that they will ever fully respect me because of him, he sees no fault in what his doing,what can i do?

Today is mothers day and i feel like ive played a role larger than that of their mothers in the past 3 years,and my role just wont be acknowledged by them,i just dont know what to do,should i step back and just not care,let them do whatever they want and just be the person that exists with them in the same house? this whole thing just hurts my feelings.please help

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Our expert says:
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People who are divorced or separated often feel a sense of guilt about this in regard to their kids, over-estimating the degree of hurt this may have caused them, In fact, kids tend to react to divorce or other major events in their life, taking a cue from their parents. If the parents take this calmly, so, usually, will the kids. But the parent who feels guilty tends to over-react, and perhaps becomes over-indulgent and over-protective, which isn't actally beneficial for the kids.
It would benefit all of you for you to have a calm discussion about these matters --- abou feling hurt and over-looked, about concerns to ensure both of you parent the kids as well as posible, and so on, and maybe suggest some sessions of couples counselling to explore these issues and to come up with the best solutions for all of you
And happy Mothers Day !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/10

thanks CS,your mothers day wish brought tears to my eyes,il definately look into your suggestions

Much appreciated

Reply to Anonymous

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