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Question
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/06/29

Childhood fantasy

My partner and I were talking about first crushes as kids, I told her that when I was much younger I use to have a crazy crush on my teacher, she (the teacher) just made me feel all fuzzy and head-over-heels for her, I could literally do anything for her. My partner said that hers was not necessarily a crush but that she use to love watching a female superhero cartoon character like the power-puff-girls, I wondered why for a moment and she explained that she use to sit on a little toy while watching it (as though she was riding a pony) she use to watch it till the end, she says she experienced her first orgasm (through clitoral stimulation this way) maybe that’ s why she never missed an episode of the show. She now has a comforting fetish for soft-toys and I have a silly fetish for older women and having women take charge in the bedroom once in a while (almost to live out my fantasy).
The thing is that in my partner’ s previous relationships she has had her fair share of ups and downs, at times when I want her to be dominating she can’ t or she’ s too afraid to and I notice that little girl in her that confides in that security that her childhood brought.
Now I want her to dominate sometimes and I want to be her comforter when it comes to her opening up but it’ s very hard to do this when she resorts to that little girl in her and doesn’ t have faith in me to comfort her, it seems like I am paying the price for what her previous partners did wrong. We have terrific sexual intercourse and explosive orgasms but sometimes I feel that there is that little thing that she is holding on to that is not releasing her fully inner-sexual potential as a women.
I have had one of my previous partners experience this feeling and it was awesome both sides because you could actually feel the joy in reaching and orgasm without an actual ejaculation (I am not comparing my current partner with my ex, I am just taking the positives from my previous relationship)
I want to experience this feeling with my current partner and explore it even more, how do I go about comforting her and assuring her in allowing her “ little girl”  to come out and play and let the women in her be the ultimate being that she has become.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Other than being loving and reasssuring, there is very little that you can actually 'do' - if your partner is anxious, then she needs to address her concerns herself - that may with you or with a therapist (the latter is not essential, it just depends on what you partner thinks she needs). Be very cautious about how you discuss this with her - it can so easily look like a criticism (and this is an area many people are "touchy" about - mind the pun), so if you phrase it as her seeming 'frightened or vulnerable' rather than 'not confident or dominant enough', she might be able to hear it better and might be willing to explore it.

Claire - SASHA

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/07/02

< Gratten> 
It is so cute how we still confide in our childhood memories.
In specific with your situation, it’ s always nice to share such fantasies with someone like that because there is no shame in that because the both of you are just expressing yourselves and allowing the following person to do the same.

With my partner I do want them not to clutch on too tight on that fantasy but for them to know that there is someone who understands and who they can share that fantasy with, with no shame or guilt in conscious.

Quick question Gratten, do you and your part-timer masturbate for each other (or together)?

Reply to Digital_Sex
Posted by: Gratten | 2012/07/01

Sexuality seems to be very flexible when one is at that delicate age. Once your preferences/fantasies are programmed into you, it''s very hard, if not, impossible to part with them.

I myself have a similar(ish) situation in that my first crush was Buster Bunny from the cartoon Tiny Toon adventures. Around the same time as Roger Rabbit. I''ve never left that area, and also have many stuffed toys, my most recent crush being Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb.

The point I''m making is that one just has to accommodate a person for who they are. My good friend and part time partner (f***-buddy is the slang typically used to describe such a person) understands my fetish and, although he is not into it himself, he allows for me to enjoy it, in the same way that I meet him halfway to fulfill his fantasies.

There is generally no changing a person''s fantasies. You just have to be open with the person and ride with it.

Reply to Gratten
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012/06/30

Other than being loving and reasssuring, there is very little that you can actually 'do' - if your partner is anxious, then she needs to address her concerns herself - that may with you or with a therapist (the latter is not essential, it just depends on what you partner thinks she needs). Be very cautious about how you discuss this with her - it can so easily look like a criticism (and this is an area many people are "touchy" about - mind the pun), so if you phrase it as her seeming 'frightened or vulnerable' rather than 'not confident or dominant enough', she might be able to hear it better and might be willing to explore it.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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