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Question
Posted by: Unsure | 2011/06/22

Child Watching Porn

Hi CS

I''m not sure what to do. My Dad''s girlfriend has a 13-year-old son. He has a hard time at home. He''s always told how fat he is and my dad''s REALLY hard on him. I feel sorry for the kid.

The other day he was given a laptop by my dad and we were looking something up on the internet when we discovered he''d been on porn sites. I don''t know whether or not to tell his mom. I know there will be huge consequences and he''ll probably be punished severly.

I do think it''s wrong for a kid that age to be accessing adult content online but is it really my place to tell his mom? I''m torn here! Please advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What the boy has done is really, essentially normal and unlike to cause him any harm at all ( and especially likely to be interesting to an unhappy boy who is teased and told he is fat and unattractive ). And it is your dad who is needlessly and harmfully hard on the lad. If his mother and father really are so unskilled as parents as to be likely to punish him severaly for normal adolescent curiosity, there is no advantage to anyone in telling them.
Sounds like the poor boy needs understanding and support in life in general, and not a huge and ignorant storm about his explorations. Their likely ignorant response also prevents them from usefully using such opportunities to discuss sexual matters rationally and calmly with him, something they ought to be doing, anyway, at this age.
You don't mention your age but presumably, as you worked with him on the internet, you are presumably friends and he trusts and trusted you. Can't you rather chat calmly with him about this issue, warning him that while it's normal for kids his age to be curious about stuff they will be able to access, that his parents could easily discover this and you both know what an outrageous storm they could create about this.
Suggest he consider options such as safer and more discrete browsing, or perhaps after removing the traces of his previous visits ( really easy to do ) consider installing, as his parents ought to have done, some of the netnanny type of software which can limit his ability to visit the really nasty stuff that is available.
As it happens, I consider it to be child neglect, and borderline abusive, for parents to give a child such uncontrolled or unlimited web access without using readily available forms of control. without discussing with the child what he may come across and using the opportunity to discuss sexual and other matters, and especially if they blame the child and traumatize the kid for acting on natural curiosity.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Beeeee | 2011/06/22

I also don''t think it is appropriate for a 13 year old to watch porn, BUT he is a boy and a teenager... teenagers are curious, so I don''t think it a huge problem.... certainly not anything that other teenagers don''t do.

I don''t think that you should tell his mom.

Reply to Beeeee
Posted by: Vaal Donkie | 2011/06/22

It''s better to let them find out on their own. he''ll never forgive you, even after the matter has been settled.

Reply to Vaal Donkie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/22

What the boy has done is really, essentially normal and unlike to cause him any harm at all ( and especially likely to be interesting to an unhappy boy who is teased and told he is fat and unattractive ). And it is your dad who is needlessly and harmfully hard on the lad. If his mother and father really are so unskilled as parents as to be likely to punish him severaly for normal adolescent curiosity, there is no advantage to anyone in telling them.
Sounds like the poor boy needs understanding and support in life in general, and not a huge and ignorant storm about his explorations. Their likely ignorant response also prevents them from usefully using such opportunities to discuss sexual matters rationally and calmly with him, something they ought to be doing, anyway, at this age.
You don't mention your age but presumably, as you worked with him on the internet, you are presumably friends and he trusts and trusted you. Can't you rather chat calmly with him about this issue, warning him that while it's normal for kids his age to be curious about stuff they will be able to access, that his parents could easily discover this and you both know what an outrageous storm they could create about this.
Suggest he consider options such as safer and more discrete browsing, or perhaps after removing the traces of his previous visits ( really easy to do ) consider installing, as his parents ought to have done, some of the netnanny type of software which can limit his ability to visit the really nasty stuff that is available.
As it happens, I consider it to be child neglect, and borderline abusive, for parents to give a child such uncontrolled or unlimited web access without using readily available forms of control. without discussing with the child what he may come across and using the opportunity to discuss sexual and other matters, and especially if they blame the child and traumatize the kid for acting on natural curiosity.

Reply to cybershrink

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