Our expert says:
I wonder whether there has been any real system of disciple at all, or whether a loving granny basically indulged the kid and she grew used to getting what she wanted when she wanted it. If you have no sweets at home, she couldn't blackmail you into giving any to her. She sounds far to used to being given choices in matters where a child should not choose --- eating and bathing are not options for her. Watch Supernanny / Little Angels, and similar shows which demonstrate how such a spoilt child can be transformed by simple discipline. She' an angel at school because they have clear rules, and tolerate no tantrums.
As Wendy says, completely ignore tantrums --- when she starts, put her in a safe place where she can't damage herself or anything else, and tell her you'll come back and listen to her when she 's quiet. Make it clear she will lose privileges each time she tantrums, and gain stars on a chart for every time she DOES keep to major rules ( baths, eats ) towards earning back these privileges. And yes, if she refuses to eat leave her to get hungry --- NEVER reward her refusal to eat good food, buy giving her sweets.
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