Posted by: concerned mommy | 2009-03-27

Child driving me mad

Hi there,

I have a real problem with my child, My child is 4 years old she is in a school after being at granny for 3 years, she is really bossy and demanding, every day starts and ends the same with her, in the morning she gets dressed with no problem, as soon as it is time to leave she starts crying, then she starts screeming and shouting as if someone is killing her she doent want to get in the car and throughs herself on the floor and gives me her dead weight so that i cant pick her up, eventually we do get to school still screeming and shouting, when we arive home i do give her a hour to watch her programs while im preparing food as soon as her father gats home from work i dish up then she tells me she doesnt whant that food or doesnt want to eat but asks for sweets and when i say no eat your food she starts tantrums again, when her tv time is over and we change channels to watch our programs i get another tantrum even though i explained to her that she gets her tv time and then we get ours, then bath time comes and she tells me every night she doesnt want to bath and she has to i get another tantrum then bed time she wants to sleep in our bed and when we say no she start crying again and gets into our bed anyway and she sometimes even hit me and bites me. please help i am really fed up with this and she is driving me crasy and according to her teacher she is the axact opposite at school and she is an angel. i dont know what to do did i give her to much opportunity before and paying the price now?

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Our expert says:
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I wonder whether there has been any real system of disciple at all, or whether a loving granny basically indulged the kid and she grew used to getting what she wanted when she wanted it. If you have no sweets at home, she couldn't blackmail you into giving any to her. She sounds far to used to being given choices in matters where a child should not choose --- eating and bathing are not options for her. Watch Supernanny / Little Angels, and similar shows which demonstrate how such a spoilt child can be transformed by simple discipline. She' an angel at school because they have clear rules, and tolerate no tantrums.
As Wendy says, completely ignore tantrums --- when she starts, put her in a safe place where she can't damage herself or anything else, and tell her you'll come back and listen to her when she 's quiet. Make it clear she will lose privileges each time she tantrums, and gain stars on a chart for every time she DOES keep to major rules ( baths, eats ) towards earning back these privileges. And yes, if she refuses to eat leave her to get hungry --- NEVER reward her refusal to eat good food, buy giving her sweets.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Angela | 2009-03-29

Whenever we threw tantrums we were sent to our rooms. If we didn' t want to eat, we wouldn' t eat at all. And we always got hidings. As my dad used to ask- ' do you want me to give you something to cry about' ? I believe in hidings- it may work or it may not, but I believe it will work. I don' t know what time you want your daughter to go to sleep, but maybe try involve her when making supper? Then let her watch T.V. and bath afterwards. Play with her because she may be lonely and that' s why she' s good at school but acts up at home. If your daughter still goes to her granny make it clear she is not to spoil her.

Reply to Angela
Posted by: Lee | 2009-03-27

Please love your child and hug her when the tantrums are over. And don' t shout at her when she has her tantrums just leave alone try to be calm all the time when she is quiet or during her tv time make time for her sit with her and let her sleep on your lap and brush her hair, or talk to her about other things things she likes this will soften her up.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: concerned mommy | 2009-03-27

thanks for your reply i will defnitly do these things and give it some time, if it doesnt work would you recomend that we need to take her to see someone and and help us as her parrents to understand what is going on and help us to get things better because i cant take this morning - evening tantrums anymore, i am trying my best with her and her father too, but i just feel like i fail over and over again!


Reply to concerned mommy
Posted by: Wendy | 2009-03-27

I tried this with my son - when your child throws a tantrum, ignore her! Leave her , walk out the room and go and do something else. If she does it in the morning, tell her you ae going to work and leave the house. Stay outside for a few minutes before going back in. Everytime she does this take away a priviledge - such as her tv time or no sweets or something like that. She is at age where she is learning to manipulate you and you are letting her. If she doesn' t want to eat then leave her - but don' t give her anything else to eat. Maybe even send her to bed. She will eventually be hungry enough to eat the food. It' s tough but you will get through this. My son only ever threw 3 tantrums (all in public) and he learnt very quickly not to ever do it again! Good luck!

Reply to Wendy

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