You need to see a child psychologist for a detailed assessment of the details of this situation, every method you have tried and apparently failed with, and to work together to devise a new and more successful program of response to whatever the child's behaviour problems may be. Its not possible here to give a broad generic answer to a problem that is not defined.
But the one broad comment I can make is that you ( and maybe Nini too ) are probably expecting too much obedience and idealized behaviour from a little person of only three. Kelly's response sounds very sensible. Why create massive crises out of what are actually rather small issues ?
Often a child is experimenting with boundaries and power, and have realized that they have considerable power by saying NO, and not much by being agreeable. As kelly so numbly illustrates, leting them explore and understand the unpleasant consequences of not doing things you recommend out of your greater wisdom and experience, and make their own choice to be hygienic and loveable, can be far more effective
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