Posted by: Hopeless | 2009-07-15

Child and 2 countries

I have a beautiful 5 year old son with a European girl. After living in Europe for some years, I returned to SA because, although it made me happy to be with my son, I could no longer live in Europe without getting severely depressed. I also came back to SA assuming that I would cope with missing my son, and also under the confident belief that my girlfriend would join me here later.

The problem now is that although I no longer have depression problems in SA, I miss my son terribly. My girlfriend has indicated that she changed her mind and doesn' t want to come to SA anymore. Because of mainly this, we have broken up. I want to stay in SA while my ex-girlfriend wants to stay in Europe (with our son). Persuading her to move to SA is impossible. However I cannot function normally (work, etc.) as I miss holding my son too much. Just like living in Europe under severe depression also caused me not to function normally.

What to do? Any solutions / formulas that have worked for others that I maybe did not think of before? I have run out of ideas. I am climbing out the walls out of frustration from missing my son. Just like I did in Europe from living there. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It would be worth exploring these "depression" issues with a good local shrink. Often, we Africans, like some Australians, find much to love in Europe, but find the weather not only "depressing" in a general way with the cold and rain, but the relative lack of sunlight for extended periods in the year. And some forms of Depression are light-sensitive, like Seasonal Affective Disorder, with the appropriate abbreviation of SAD. And it can be controlled by deliberate exposure to particular types of light , including sitting under some types of lamp.
It is not surprising that you miss your son ( though I notice that you don't mention missing your son's mother ). Presumably, she would miss Europe as much as you missed SA. What is he situation regarding your break-up with her ? If you did learn to manage the depression, and returned to Europe, what access would you have to the boy, and what job prospects are there for you, there ?

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