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Question
Posted by: SHOCKED | 2010/11/24

CHILD ABUSE BY GRANDFATHER

At the end of last month my husband, ten year old son and myself went to visit his family in Vaal Triangle. Husbands sister is living in a council house with her 2x children, both girls, 1 of 13 and 1 of 14 months. She is a very bad mother, drinks, smokes, slaps the children around, and has been under social since I can remember. Husbands mom and dad stay with this sister.(since moved out and living in a garage) All of them in a 2x bedroom little hovel. Now I can go on an on about the things these people have done, they are the lowest form of life I have ever come across. I put up with them for the sake of my husband. (I did write in to you a couple of years ago and you advised me to contact child welfare - which I did and was told that anybody who keeps such a nice garden wont molest a child). Anyway to keep a long story short. The grandfather has been molesting the 13 year old. She did report this before and nobody believed her. I did and wrote into you for advice. she then got it recorded on her cell phone. Anyway, being the people they are this has been treated like it never happened. I phoned the school, they got hold of her on the Monday before her mom had chance to brainwash her and she told them exactly what had happened. I also phoned the social worker and asked them to speak to the child before they spoke to the mother (they went to the mother early the next morning - giving her time to prep her daughter into denying it happened). Nearly 3x weeks later the grandfather is walking the streets. I phoned the school and welfare and was told that unless the child lays charges herself nothing can be done.
Now, what is freaking my brain is the fact that it is so easy for perverts to get away with sexual abuse. Also, my husband also seems to be pretending this has never happened. He says he cannot believe his dad would do this... I asked him would he believe it if it was his son, and he says that is differnet.. we are now on icy terms because I feel that he has let his niece down, and I also cannot understand how he can even talk to his father ever again... (the grandmother is the one that told me about the cell phone recording, she is so disgusting, she moved out with him and is also now pretending this never happend.) What is your take on this sad pathetic story??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If anyone in any Child Welfare job is so monumentally stupid as to believe that no child molester has a tidy garden, then they are a positive danger to children and should be removed from their jobs as rapidly as possible - there should have been, and maybe stoll should be, a complaint to their supervisor, pointing out how dangerously idiotic the person was.
The story you tell of clumsy and stupid responses by those authorities who ought to be protecting children is tragic. And the law is not supposed to depend on a child who is at risk and open to pressure and threats, from laying a charge herself.
Part of what protects the abusers is, just as you say, that nobody WANTS to believe such reports. Of course not all such reports happen to be true, but they all should be properly investigated with an open mind assuming that they COULD be true.
I wonder i one of the newspapers might be interested in the story ? maybe even Carte Blanche ?

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/26

as far as i know the person the child disclosed to can lay charges at SAPS. but phone department of social development 021 481 9700 and they can give you the number of DSD in the area and you can ask questions...ask for the supervisor.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/25

Hi

What you could do is, continue fighting for your niece, try and contact another social worker or lay a complaint with the police even if it means going to the papers as cybershrink. Even if this means the end of your marridge. Atleast you know you are preventing emotinal and psycological trauma that the poor kid will end going through in later life. She will be forever thankful to you for saving her from such a traumatic experience she has to keep enduring whenever her grandpa calls her to his room. The bad part is she will always be haunted by the memories. Normally when relatives end up abusing you, it is often very difficult to live a normal life and let go of the past. This will result in her not being able to hav a normal relationship with a man or her husband someday. Try and collect more evidence. Just can''t understand why the social workers didn''t take the cell phone recording as evidence.

Whatever you do, do what you think is best. Treat her as what you would''ve done if she was your daughter.

All the best

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Linus | 2010/11/24

Go to the police with this - do a google search on SAPS Child Protection and click on the first link that comes up and if you look hard enough you will find the cellphone numbers in your area for high ranking officers in your region

Reply to Linus
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/24

If anyone in any Child Welfare job is so monumentally stupid as to believe that no child molester has a tidy garden, then they are a positive danger to children and should be removed from their jobs as rapidly as possible - there should have been, and maybe stoll should be, a complaint to their supervisor, pointing out how dangerously idiotic the person was.
The story you tell of clumsy and stupid responses by those authorities who ought to be protecting children is tragic. And the law is not supposed to depend on a child who is at risk and open to pressure and threats, from laying a charge herself.
Part of what protects the abusers is, just as you say, that nobody WANTS to believe such reports. Of course not all such reports happen to be true, but they all should be properly investigated with an open mind assuming that they COULD be true.
I wonder i one of the newspapers might be interested in the story ? maybe even Carte Blanche ?

Reply to cybershrink

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